More Of Jesus

I trust that each of you had a peaceful Christmas as you rested in and focused on Jesus. My sons, Wyatt and Yance as well as my daughter's-in-law, Laurel and Elaine and my precious grandson, Preston were all here for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We all missed Ty, but Jesus blessed us with a very special time together as well as with extended family and friends.

Thinking of the new year, I'm reminded that every day is a new beginning. No matter what happened or didn't happen yesterday, I can choose to wake up praising Jesus for His unconditional love and trust Him to give me strength for that day. Granted, I don't always wake up feeling like praising Jesus. Yesterday was one of those days. I don't know how many times I said, "Jesus, help me" throughout the day. He did help me as I chose to rejoice and talk to Him even though I didn't feel like it.

I went to Hutchinson last night to celebrate Christmas with Ty's Grandma Farney and other family. She and Ty shared a Christmas Eve birthday, and she is 99 years old this year. They shared many birthdays together as we would all meet at Ty's parents for breakfast to celebrate their special day. Anyway, it was a very fun evening, but I was feeling quite lonely as I headed home. The first thing I said when I got in my car was "Lord, I miss Ty so much." Then I turned on the radio and heard Dr. Stanley say that we need to be strong and courageous like Joshua. He went on to share from Joshua 1 as I drove home. When I got home and looked up the passage it was such an encouragement and reminder of how to begin the new year that I want to share it here.

Starting in Joshua 1:5 God says to Joshua "No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses so I will be with you, I will never leave you nor forsake you. BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. BE STRONG AND VERY COURAGEOUS. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth, meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

As we all face new challenges and new beginnings in the New Year, God will go with us just like He went with Joshua. It was so great to be reminded of that. The life application helps from my Bible say: "Joshua's new job consisted of leading more that two million people into a strange new land and conquering it. What a challenge--even for a man of Joshua's caliber. Every new job is a challenge. Without God, it can be frightening. With God it can be a great adventure. Just as God was with Joshua, He is with us as we face challenges. We may not conquer nations, but every day we face tough situations, difficult people and temptations. God promises, however, that He will never abandon us or fail to help us. By asking God to direct us we can conquer many of like's challenges. Many people think that prosperity and success come from having power, influential personal contacts, and a relentless desire to get ahead, but the prospect of prosperity that God taught Joshua goes against such criteria. He said to succeed Joshua must

(1) BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS because the task ahead would not be easy.

(2) obey God's law, and

(3) constantly read and study the Book of the Law--God's Word.

To be successful, follow God's word's to Joshua. You may not succeed by the world's standards, but you will be a success in God's eyes--and His opinion is most important."

We need to commit everything to our Lord and Savior--our goals, ambitions, dreams, money, talents, time, health, and relationships. We need to commit to studying His Word everyday in order to get to know Him better, and we need to make glorifying Him our #1 purpose in life. As my pastor, Jim Dillon, said last Sunday, "When we make Jesus our first priority all the secondary things bring much more joy and blessing."

As Pastor Jim challenged us, I challenge you in this New Year to pray for the most important thing--more of Jesus. He promises in Jeremiah 29:13, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Life is hard, but God is ALWAYS faithful. I pray that as we begin and continue through this new year that we will become completely faithful in complete commitment to our Faithful God.

The following song was the first one I listened to as I was looking for one to share. It even had a line in it especially for me, that His love brings faith to the widow! I trust that it will bless you as you are reminded of God's love for you and how His love does bring peace, faith, and hope. As He keeps reminding me: He needs to be enough for each of us.

Jesus--The Greatest Gift

Peace, Rest, Quietness. Is that what you're experiencing during this Christmas season? During this very busy time, it's easy to be distracted by the things of this world. We can easily focus on having everything perfect from the perfectly decorated home, the perfect Christmas party, getting and giving perfect gifts and the list goes on and on. Instead our focus should be on the greatest gift--Jesus. As I mentioned last month, I was struggling, discouraged and feeling sorry for myself, but as I chose to focus on Jesus and rejoice and be thankful in spite of my feelings, He gave me peace, comfort and rest.

Recently the Lord has given me much encouragement in the book of Isaiah. Isaiah 30:15 says: "In repentance (turning away from my sin) and rest is your salvation, in quietness (at peace, to lie still, be undisturbed) and trust (confidence in who God is and what He can do) is your strength." The application helps from my Bible say: "He will give us the strength to face our difficulties. We should lay aside our busy care and endless effort and allow Him to act." He doesn't want us to be stressed this month as we prepare for His birthday. He wants us to rest in Him and allow Him to help us instead of trying to do everything on our own while hardly thinking of Him at all. Isaiah 26:3 says: "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Again, from the application helps in my Bible: "We can never avoid strife in the world around us, but with God we can know perfect peace even in turmoil. When we are devoted to Him, our whole attitude is steady and stable. Supported by God's unchanging love and mighty power, we are not shaken by the surrounding chaos. Do you want peace? Keep your thoughts on and your trust in God." Choosing to rejoice in Him and praise Him is so important. Oswald Chambers says: "our state of mind is powerful in it's effects. It can be the enemy that penetrates right into our soul and distracts our mind from God. It is incredible what enormous power there is in simple things to distract our attention away from God. Refuse to be swamped by 'the cares of the world'."

During this Christmas season, many struggle with loneliness, discouragement, unmet expectations, stress, etc... I would encourage you to go to Isaiah 41:10,13 often to be reminded of God's promises to strengthen you and help you. "So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." How awesome is that--God promises to take our hand and help us, but we have to reach out to Him. I want to choose to do that every minute of every day and to make this Christmas all about Him and loving and caring for others instead of being stressed by the never-ending "perfect Christmas to-do list."

The entry for today in the wonderful little book, Jesus Calling says so well what Jesus has been doing in my life since my husband, Ty, went home to be with Him: "Let Me infuse My peace into your intermost being. As you sit quietly in the Light of My Presence, you can sense Peace growing within you. This is not something that you accomplish through self discipline and willpower; it is opening yourself to receive My blessing.

In this age of independence, people find it hard to acknowledge their neediness. However, I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for Me: placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident. Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer and closer to Myself. You have discovered flowers of Peace blossoming in the most desolate places. You have learned to thank me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work. You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately which is the gift above all gifts."

I pray that each of you will experience intimacy with Jesus this Christmas season as you seek to get to know Him better each day. The peace He gives far exceeds anything this world has to offer. An intimate relationship with Jesus truly is the BEST GIFT of all.

The following song, Here With Me by Mercy Me reminds us of the love of Jesus for each one of us. I loved the verses as well as the pictures on the video. As the song says, I hope that you will feel His presence and be caught up in the wonders of His touch this Christmas.

Thankful for God's Faithfulness

Honestly, my heart is breaking right now. I don't feel like writing this blog or doing anything else for that matter. And yet... the title of my blog is "Hope in Jesus". Can I still have hope in Jesus when I am hurting and would just like to snap my fingers and be in heaven with Jesus and Ty? Even though I don't "feel" hopeful, I can choose to go back to His Word and be reminded of His faithfulness in Psalm 33:4:

"For the word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all He does."

I can also choose to go back to my journals and read of His faithfulness time after time. I just want to be very transparent with you and let you see that life is hard and many, many times I have to cry out to my Heavenly Father and express my feelings of hurt, loneliness and despair and ask Him to give me hope again. Interestingly enough, that is where I was at most of this past week-end.

Last month I shared a verse the Lord gave me from I Thessalonians 5:16-18.

"Rejoice always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Well...yesterday morning when I woke up I was feeling quite overwhelmed as I thought about facing another day and the upcoming winter months without Ty. I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and make life go away. I was again thankful that Ty and Yance got my dog, Shea, for me. I have to get up to take care of her and that includes taking her for a walk. That morning as we walked, I remembered the verse again and thanked God for the beautiful fall morning and for my family and many friends. I again was very honest in sharing my thoughts and feelings with Him. I asked Him to show me His glory and told Him that I could sure use a "God-wink" (special blessing from Him). Many times in the past, especially when Ty had cancer, He would send me a shooting star, but this particular morning the stars weren't very visible because of the full moon. I continued to walk and talk to Him, but I just didn't feel His closeness. Then, He directed me to look up and a star shot across the sky! It was so amazing. You need to understand that it has been a long time since He has blessed me with a God-wink in the form of a shooting star. He knows our hearts though, and knows when we desperately need a reminder that He hasn't forgotten about us. I praised Him again for His faithfulness as I headed back home and was even more amazed when I turned on the radio and heard the song, Wish You Were Here by Mark Harris. It made me cry as I could imagine Ty singing the words about holding onto Jesus until He takes me home. I thought, okay, I can do that. Life is so short, and I will soon be in heaven too. Again, the Lord knew what I needed and encouraged me with that song. I hope it will encourage you too as I have posted it at the bottom of this page.

You would think that after the blessings He gave me yesterday that I would be having a better day today. That's not how life works though. Each month that I write this blog, Satan tries to put me down and get me very discouraged. He doesn't want me to share about the hope I have in Jesus. That hope is there no matter how I feel. I am thankful for my friends and family who have walked this road with me since Ty's death in October of 2009. The prayers, cards, encouraging words and love have been a tremendous blessing. I especially enjoyed a very special time with my family last week-end (the first anniversary of Ty's going to his forever home with Jesus). We spent Saturday at the Wichita Zoo which was especially fun with my grandson, Preston. We all missed Ty but were glad we could be together and rejoice in our Lord's faithfulness to us this past year.

That faithfulness is what He reminded me of this morning as I read from the book, God As He Longs For You to See Him by Chip Ingram. As Chip says, "God wants us to pour out our hearts to Him to bring our problems, pain and failures to Him. That's what Jeremiah did and he found that no matter how dark or bad his circumstances, they did not match God's faithfulness."

Jeremiah wrote in Lamentations 3:21-24 "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself,
The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait for Him."

Chip says: "We taste God's faithfulness when we begin to trust Him with our tomorrows and then watch to see what He does. Jeremiah learned to greet each day with an assurance that the Lord was his "portion"-- that God is the one solid, unmovable, reliable part of any day. No one delivers like He does. We must learn to place our hope in Christ--not in stuff, not in good health, not in the future, not in the stock market, not in the ups and downs of dating life or marriage. Every other basis for hope will let us down. Only in Christ do we find the secret to a life of unending joy and peace, because He is the only one who will come through for us 100 percent of the time in any and every situation forever."

A. W. Tozer writes: "Upon God's faithfulness rests our whole hope of future blessedness...only as we have complete assurance that He is faithful may we live in peace and look forward with assurance to the life to come."

I am thankful for God's faithfulness. I chose to share my heart with you here not because I felt like it at all but because I knew God wanted me to. He gave me the words and the songs to share. I hope that you are encouraged and you too will run to Him even when you don't feel like it because He is faithful and will never leave you or forsake you. I'll leave you with the song, My Redeemer is Faithful and True by Steven Curtis Chapman as well as the Mark Harris song I mentioned above.

Changing Seasons with An Unchanging God

The changing seasons are one of the things I have always loved about living in Kansas. I always look forward to each one, but fall is definitely my favorite. I have now experienced going through three of the seasons without Ty.

Last year as the fall season began, Ty was still here but shortly after that time, on October 17, he went to his forever home with Jesus. It's hard to believe that it has been almost a year--a year of walking with Jesus one day at a time--many times one minute at a time. It has been a very hard year but also an encouraging year as my Savior and Best Friend has always been there for me and has provided a refuge, security and peace that is so beyond my understanding. He has been faithful as I've continued to reach out to Him regardless of my feelings. My faith has grown stronger as I've experienced Him carrying me through this time and carrying my sons and their families too. Honestly, I feel very weak most of the time, but God's Word promises that when I am weak, He will give me strength. (II Corinthians 12:9.10). How awesome that in my weakness, Jesus is strong and He is glorified more and more as I choose to move forward in His strength.

Oswald Chambers says:

Faith must be tested because it can only become our intimate possession through conflict. The ultimate thing is confidence in Jesus. Believe steadfastly on Him and everything that challenges you will strengthen your faith. Faith is absolute TRUST in God--trust that will never imagine that He would forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5-6).

I continue to ask God what His will is for me. As hard as it is to be here without Ty, I know that He still has a plan for me. Recently, He lead me to these verses in I Thessalonians 5:16-18.

"Rejoice always, pray continuously, and give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

Those verses are quite clear in telling me what I need to be doing. It's definitely not easy, but I want to CHOOSE every day to be joyful, pray (talk to Jesus) continually, and give thanks in ALL circumstances. As always, when I am obedient to what Jesus asks me to do, He is faithful to give me more peace, joy and contentment than I can imagine. In the devotional book, "Jesus Calling" I was encouraged as I read this morning,

"Relax in my everlasting arms. Your weakness is an opportunity to grow strong in awareness of My Almighty Presence. Look to Me and My sufficiency; rejoice in my radiant riches that are abundantly available to help you. Go gently through this day, leaning on me and enjoying My presence. Thank Me for your neediness, which is building trust-bonds between us. If you look back on your journey thus far, you can see that days of extreme weakness have been some of your most precious times. Memories of these days are richly interwoven with golden strands of My intimate presence."

How true that has been for me. In my weakest times, Jesus has revealed Himself more clearly. Believe me, the strength, joy and peace that you see in me come from Jesus. If it weren't for Him, I would have given into the grief and loneliness that overwhelmed me so often this past year since Ty died. When I am tempted to focus on all the years on this earth that I'm missing with Ty, I am reminded of God's eternal plan and encouraged by Connie Mitchell, a widow whose husband also died after they had been married only 28 years (the same as Ty and I). She said,

"God is clearing away my short-sightedness and helping me comprehend that He has a much bigger eternal plan than I can even imagine. He knows the end of the story and someday we will see the whole picture. In the meantime I am content to trust in His goodness and love for my family and for me."

God is good and I am thankful that He never changes. As the seasons continue to change, I'm going to choose to take His hand, to rest and rely on Him and to continue to trust Him one day at a time. I pray that each of you will do the same because I can promise you that as you do, He will be faithful!

Enjoy the beautiful pictures on the video as well as the words of the song, "Be Still and Know" by Steven Curtis Chapman. When I chose this song to share I was so excited when it mentioned God's faithfulness and that He never changes. He's amazing--He even provided the perfect song to finish my blog with!

Jesus' Continued Faithfulness

As fall approaches and school begins again, I asked the Lord this morning, "What have you been teaching me?"

Honestly, this month has been a very emotional one for me. My youngest son, Yance married his sweetheart, Elaine on August 14. The week-end was filled with much fun and excitement as we traveled to Oklahoma City and enjoyed spending time with family and friends. A special memory for me was having Yance stay in my room the night before the wedding. We talked, cried and prayed together until early in the morning. We missed Ty so much and yet the Lord gave us both a peace as we thought of him in heaven with Jesus.

The wedding was beautiful as Yance and Elaine gave glory to our Lord and Savior and were so excited to finally be married. As the wedding began I was so honored to be escorted to my seat by my two sons and was thankful for my Lord's strength as my heart ached for Ty. It was another step on the journey that the Lord has me on. I enjoyed every minute of the wedding and am so blessed to have two sons who are following their Dad's advice to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul and mind. Not only that but I now have two very special daughters who love our sons and love Jesus too. Of course, I can't forget my grandson, Preston. I have so much to be thankful for.

However, at home after the wedding my emotions had changed. I didn't feel so thankful. I really didn't feel much at all other than I longed to be in heaven with Jesus and Ty. I cried out to Jesus even though I really didn't feel like it. He led me to read back through my journal from last November. I wasn't surprised that as I began reading from my journal and His Word that God continued to remind me of the hope I have in Him and all that I have to look forward to in my forever home in heaven.

Here are some highlights from that journal entry on November 15, 2009 (about a month after Ty died). Alot of my thoughts on that day were the same thoughts I had the week after the wedding. My prayer is that the things the Lord spoke to me will be an encouragement to you in whatever you're going through.

Date: November 15, 2009

"Jesus, thanks so much for loving me. Yesterday turned out to be a very difficult day. I missed Ty more than ever and the thought of getting up everyday for the rest of my life without him was overwhelming. Thanks for reminding me that you only ask me to take one day at a time and that you will give me strength for each day. I didn't feel your presence yesterday and yet as I was obedient to you and chose to read from your Word and hear your Word preached by Chip Ingram (www.lote.org) you reminded me of your promises:

that you haven't forgotten about me,

that you love me and

that I can count on you to walk with me side by side each new day for the rest of my life.

I choose to believe you when you say that you have plans for me, plans to prosper and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11); that you will work all things together for good for those who love you (Romans 8:28).

The best part of the day was when you showed yourself so abundantly as I was going to bed. Father, I was so lonesome then and as Chip had mentioned earlier, I should just cry out to you. That's what I did. I asked you to speak to me and you led me to the Voice of the Martyrs book- Extreme Devotion. The tears started as I remembered reading in it so many times on our way to the clinic when Ty had cancer. As I opened it to the place we had last read together, I read the verses that you had reminded me of already twice that day--from a friend and also on the radio: Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom He has given us." Ty and I went to that passage often during the cancer journey for encouragement and hope. It was like both you and Ty wanted to remind me to rejoice and hope in you. Ty and I often talked about the privilege it was to share in your sufferings, Lord, in order to bring more glory to you. It was and still isn't easy at all, but I'm so thankful for all you've taught me and continue to teach me about your love and faithfulness."

Later in the week He led me to Psalm 39. The theme of this Psalm is 'apart from God, life is fleeting and empty'. Verse 4 says:

"Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days, let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro; he bustles about but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you."

The commentary in my Bible says: "The brevity of life is a theme throughout the books of Psalms, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes. Ironically people spend so much time securing their lives on earth and spend little or no thought about where they will spend eternity. David realized that amassing riches and busily accomplishing worldly tasks would make no difference in eternity. Few people understand that their only hope is in the Lord." Amen to that--nothing the world offers could give me the peace and strength that Jesus gives me each day as I depend on Him.

As I have read and studied and chosen to fill my mind with the truths of God's Word since coming home from Yance and Elaine's wedding, my Savior and Lord continues to teach me about the hope I have in Him. He wants me to continue to remind others of that hope and how much Jesus loves each one of us. The other thing He has been reminding me is that this world is not my home. It's okay to be homesick for my forever home in heaven, but He isn't finished with me here yet and wants me to choose each day to rejoice in Him and rely on Him minute by minute for strength to do whatever He asks me to do.


The following videos really encouraged me this week. They both are about heaven which seems to be on my mind alot these days. Actually, I know that we would all be happier and more content if we would focus on Jesus and our eternal home more than the things of the world. Remember, this world is not our home, we're just passing through. We have so much to look forward to in heaven with our Savior and Lord.

The Blessing of Abiding in Jesus

Abiding in Christ means trusting Him, reaching out to Him, choosing to run to Him and find peace and rest when life is so hard. As I pondered what the Lord would want me to share this month, He immediately brought to my mind a very hard evening on my recent vacation to Horn Creek, a family camp in Colorado. Ty and I and our boys have gone there every year (except for one) since 1986 when Wyatt(our oldest) was just 13 months old. I debated about going this year without Ty, but the Lord assured me that I wouldn't be alone--He would be with me. Wyatt, Laurel and Preston went too, as well as my mom. But--back to that evening that I mentioned earlier. I'm going to share directly from my journal the entry that I wrote the morning after our 1st night there. My prayer is that you will be encouraged by God's amazing faithfulness as I share how He comforted me.

From my journal: "The Lord has already blessed me so much since I arrived at Horn Creek. I continue to miss Ty alot. I'm surrounded by memories of 23 years here with him. I can hear him telling me to drink lots of water and as I walk into my room I automatically drink a glass of water. When I first got here, Don and Linda Flack greeted me. They are the volunteer greeters here for the summer. They were also here with Ty, Wyatt, and I the 1st year we came. They hugged me and we cried together. Seeing my name without Ty's on the camper list was hard. I just hugged Wyatt and cried. It's like I know Ty isn't here and isn't coming back, but it still doesn't seem real. It was also great to see other friends and to find comfort as we hugged, cried and missed Ty. Jesus loved me so well through many special friends. Also, another blessing He provided was giving me a room in the mini-lodge instead of the cabins and not only just a room but our favorite room. I was reminded that God delights in me and loves to bless beyond what I could ask or imagine. Even though there are many lonely moments, I still feel "at home" here. The first night when I came into my room and shut the door the memories overwhelmed me and I repeated the words I've said often since Ty's death last October, "Lord, this is so hard." I missed Ty so much and just wanted him to be here with me. As always, I cried out to Jesus and ask Him to hold me close. I told Him again that I don't understand why Ty and I couldn't have more years together, but I trust His perfect plan and know that He isn't finished with me here. As I got ready for bed I could just feel His presence with me and was not at all surprised when I picked up a devotional from David Jeremiah's ministry and read "Behold, I am with you and will keep you WHEREVER you go...I will not leave you." Genesis 28:15. I thought, WOW, Lord you couldn't be more clear. Just like you are with me everyday back home, you are with me here. In the devotional, Susanna Wesley talks about trials. She says that in God's providence even her burdens have become blessings, "All my sufferings have occurred to promote my spiritual and eternal good." The devotional goes on to say that we have a God who admirably manages our lives with His all powerful greatness. That's why we grow more spiritually during trials than any other time in life. Our self-sufficiency is brought low and our reliance on God becomes great. The quote at the end put the icing on the cake--"For come what may, from day to day my Heavenly Father watches over me." I just laid down the devotional and was in total awe of God, but that wasn't all He had for me. I picked up the Horn Creek devotional. Some verses from Isaiah 64 say "Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you who acts on behalf of those who WAIT for Him. I wrote,"God, You are amazing, faithful, and wonderful. What would I do without you? You always give me exactly what I need as I run to you. I thanked Him and ask Him to hold and comfort me and then I went to sleep.

There were many more blessings that week as I continually chose to abide in Jesus, to run to Him not away from Him. Psalm 91 is a wonderful reminder of God's nearness and care for us. Charles Spurgeon has said of Psalm 91,"The blessings here are not for all believers but for those who live in CLOSE FELLOWSHIP with God."

Kris Goertzen in her study on humility says: "That's all a God-centered woman wants --nearness to God. No pretending, that just leaves us empty. No masks, that leaves us weary. We want the nearness of God! that alone satisfies." I totally agree with what Kris says as she asks, "Do you long for deep relationships and intimacy? Searching to have these voids filled can be fearfully destructive. I'd like to save you a lifetime of pain by telling you the real truth. You won't find it in friends or in husbands, by getting your way or by getting more stuff. The great Thomas Watson said, 'Walking with God is the best way to know the mind of God; friends who walk together impart their secrets to one another.'" Kris ends with "Wow, walking through life together with God, the One who knows me and loves me perfectly. The One I can trust fully, who will never hurt or disappoint me. That's intimacy."

That intimacy comes from abiding in Jesus. It's believing everything that He says in His Word. If He said it, I believe it, and it's because of that intimate, trusting relationship that I have with Him that I can wake up each morning choosing to rejoice in Him whether I feel like it or not. I can rely on Him to give me joy, peace, and strength because that's what He promises in His Word and I believe Him!!!

Jesus is my everything. I truly can't face a day without Him. The song below expresses exactly how I feel. I get teary every time I listen to it because I am so thankful for Jesus and the unbelievable strength and peace that He gives me everyday. Many people have ask me how I have continued on with such joy and purpose--the answer to that is Jesus' power in me. I could never make it without Him. My prayer for each of you is that you will seek Him and rest in Him today. Remember, He delights in you and desires an intimate relationship with you. He will meet your every need. I speak from experience when I say that NOTHING the world has to offer compares to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He is worthy of your complete trust!

Freedom in Jesus

Thinking about our theme on freedom this month drew my thoughts back to rest which interestingly was the theme from last month. Freedom to me means choosing to rest in Jesus all the time no matter what the circumstances are around me.


Recently I had yet another opportunity to choose to either rest in Jesus and find freedom or ignore Him, feel sorry for myself, and give in to the loneliness. Over and over again, I'm reminded that I have a choice to either believe Jesus' promises or not.

This particular time came as I headed home from Wyatt and Laurel's house. I had the privilege of staying with Preston, my 15 1/2 old grandson, for a few days while they were in Colorado. Preston and "Nana" (he can say Nana now, and it melts my heart!) had a wonderful time. It brought back so many memories of those special times with my boys at that age. Reading books, playing, singing and laughing together brought such joy. I'm sure he thought his Nana was pretty silly--I'm such a kid at heart. It was so fun to pray for him while I was with him and wonder what the Lord has planned for my precious little grandson. Anyway, being with him was one of those extra-special blessings from Jesus that I've spoken of often in my blogs--something I will treasure for a long time.

Then it was time to say good-bye and head home. That's when the loneliness for Ty hit again.The tears came as I started home. At that point, I could choose freedom in God's promises or bondage in bitterness. I chose to cry out to Jesus and trust in His promises. He brought these to mind as I talked to Him:


"I will never leave you or forsake you."

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

"And we know that all things work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose."


There were many more He brought to my mind. But the question is, do I believe those promises? Yes, definitely. Do I always feel like they're true? No, but I just keep sharing my heart with my Heavenly Father just like I would have with Ty or a close friend. God is my counselor, protector, and friend. According to His Word, He is also my husband. (Isaiah 54:4,5). Now, since I no longer have Ty to talk to and go to for wisdom and encouragement, I go to the Lord even more. EVERY TIME I choose to seek Him and rely on Him, He gives me peace and joy. Many people ask me how I can have peace and joy in the midst of such loss and sorrow. Honestly, I can't. That comes from Jesus and from Him alone.

Another choice I had as I drove home was to either rejoice as God's Word says (Philippians 4:4) or to complain. I chose to rejoice and thank my Heavenly Father for my current life without Ty. Again, did I feel like rejoicing? No. At the same time I was rejoicing I was also very honest in sharing with the Lord how hard this life is without Ty. I told Him that I would rather be at home with Him and Ty in heaven, but I also agreed with Him that He knows far better than I do what's best for me.

I share these things to encourage those of you who are experiencing much suffering and loss right now. Jesus is there for you too. He's waiting patiently for you to come and talk to Him. He's the best friend you will ever have! When you pray, just be yourself. He loves you just as you are and will give you exactly what you need as you trust Him. That's what He did for me that evening when I got home. Since my love language is words of encouragement I asked Him for some encouraging words. He faithfully brought those words from an article from Dr. David Jeremiah who says, "God will care for us during our time on this earth then He promises to take us to an eternal home where all sorrow is gone and all joy is ours." YEA! (John 14:1-3; Revelation 21:3-4) Just as I mentioned earlier about the importance of believing God's promises--Dr. Jeremiah also said "God makes the promises, but we have to claim them. A promise not claimed and acted upon has the same practical effect as a promise never made. If I promise to help you whenever you call me, but you never call, you never receive the benefit of my promise. God is the Promise Maker. I am the promise claimer."


"All of God's promises are rooted in His character. For instance, 'I will never leave you or forsake you' (Hebrews 13:5) is an explicit promise to all Christians. But God's promise directly to the apostle Paul--"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) --is also an implicit promise to believers. Paul spoke for all of us when he said, 'For when I am weak, then I am strong (in Christ). If the power of Christ was available to Paul, it is likewise available to us."


The strength that people see in me comes only from Jesus. In and of myself, I am so weak. It's His strength that keeps me going each day. Dr. Jeremiah's article ended with a truth that is becoming more and more apparent to me everyday; "when we have Jesus Christ we have all we need." And two other encouraging statements the Lord gave me that evening were:

"Instead of kicking the obstacles in your path or picking them up and carrying them, use them to climb higher with God's help." and

"Pain purifies. Pain draws the Christian closer to Jesus Christ. God does not promise to remove our pain, or even to relieve our pain; but He does promise to transform it and use it for His eternal purposes."

As always, my loving Heavenly Father, husband and friend is faithful. There is no greater freedom than trusting Him and knowing that He loves me and will take care of me.

In these uncertain times, I trust that the music video below with the verses
and beautiful pictures of God's creation will renew your hope. Jesus is everything to me; I pray that He is everything to you too. Watch the video a couple times--first to listen to the song and then to read all the verses--they are so encouraging.

Jesus--My Rest

REST for me comes when I give all my concerns to Jesus and trust Him to take care of me. Jesus says in Matthew 11:28: "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you Rest." Busyness is the killer of relationships and also of REST. The world tells us to work all the time so that we can earn more money to buy more stuff which we don't have time to enjoy because we're always working. Why not work less and be content with what you already have and be able to enjoy what really matters--your relationship with Jesus and with family and friends?


I used to believe that more stuff would make me happy and content but instead it only made me want more stuff--this obsessive cycle never stops. Contentment and REST only come when Jesus becomes our obsession. Only He can meet our needs and fill the hole in our hearts that we try to fill up with other things. When I am content, I naturally rejoice in Him more and thank Him for all the little blessings such as my yummy morning coffee, breakfast with friends, time with my family, walks in the country with my dog, Shea, a funny movie, a good book, an encouraging note, beautiful flowers, freshly mowed grass, the birds singing, etc. We have so many things to be thankful for. After my husband Tyler was diagnosed with cancer, we did slow down and enjoy God's blessings so much more. Don't wait until until a cancer diagnosis to relax and enjoy what really matters.

In order to REST in Jesus you have to love Him and in order to love Him you have to understand how much He loves you. I have the following words written (source unknown) in my Bible. Hopefully they will encourage you as they have me.

"Our love for God is always in direct relation to our perception of His love for us. He passionately pursues you and me to sweep us off our feet and convince us of His incredible love. How much does He love us? Enough to die for us. This image tells us of the incredible love of Jesus for you and me. He could have escaped the pain of the cross, and He could have annihilated the entire planet in an instant, but He endured the suffering to glorify God and demonstrate His love for us. The love of God is not just a principle or a theory. It is a powerful life-changing commitment by God to bring us into His arms and restore us to a love relationship with Him."

How awesome is that? What could bring more REST than understanding how much Jesus loves us. Since Ty was diagnosed with cancer over three years ago and went home to be with Jesus last October, I can certainly testify to Jesus' love and faithfulness. I could not have made it without Him. I miss Ty so much and wish every day that he would walk back into my life, but Jesus continues to be more than enough. I am amazed each day at the peace--Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus"--and joy that He gives me as I choose to rejoice in Him and praise Him. As hard as it is for me to continue on here without Ty, I REST in Jesus' perfect plan for me. He gave me encouragement this morning in Habakkuk 3:18-19. "Yet I will rejoice in the Lord. I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights." The commentary further explains:

"Habakkuk had asked God why evil people prosper while the righteous suffer. God's answer: they don't, not in the long run. Habakkuk saw his own limitations in contrast to God's unlimited control of all the world's events. We cannot see all that God is doing, and we cannot see all that God will do, but we can be assured that He is God and will do what is right. Knowing this can give us confidence and hope in a confusing world."

Yes, we all face an uncertain future, but we can REST in our unchanging Savior and God. Keep seeking Him. He is forever faithful.

The song below by musical group 'Phillips, Craig and Dean' sums up the recent past for me. I stand in awe of my Savior, Jesus. I'm so thankful for His faithfulness to me. As the song says: "Jesus, I am so in love with You."

Coffee with Jesus

As I was seeking direction for what God wanted me to share on prayer this month, He gave me this acrostic for PRAYER. Below are the things He takes me through every morning when I grab my cup of coffee, Bible and journal and sit down for a visit with Jesus.

P Praising God for His unconditional love, for sending His Son to die on the cross for my sins and for never leaving my side.

God's promise is: Hebrews 13:5

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

R Relying on Jesus when I don't have the strength to go on , and life seems so hard.

God's promise is: Philippians 4:13

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

A Asking Jesus for wisdom when I don't know what to do next.

God's promise is: Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your

ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

Y Yearning to know Jesus better and love Him more every day.

God's promise is: Jeremiah 29:13

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

E Enjoying an intimate, personal relationship with Jesus that brings peace and hope even when my heart is breaking, and I long for my forever home in Heaven.

God's promise is: John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid."

R Remembering that I'm never alone even when I feel completely overwhelmed and lonely on this new journey without my husband, Ty.

God's promise is: Isaiah 41:13

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not

fear; I will help you."

Prayer for me is visiting with my Heavenly Father who is also my best friend. The visits are longer and more frequent now because I no longer have Ty here to visit with. Jesus fills the hole in my heart that Ty has left. It is such a blessing to visit with Jesus about everything. I choose to praise Him every morning when I wake up whether I feel like it or not. I go to Him when I'm weary and it is there that I find rest.

My favorite time of the day is those early morning visits when I have "coffee with Jesus". I share my heart with Him knowing that He is never too busy to listen. He loves me so much. From our visits together He gives me hope through the promises in His Word. Those same promises gave Ty and I strength to keep going each day during the 2 1/2 year cancer journey and continue to bring me hope and encouragement each day now. I am so thankful for my Savior. He is forever faithful.

I leave you with a video of the song, Praise you in this Storm. It was a song that Ty and I listened to often, especially on the really tough days. It always helped us to continue to praise our Lord and rest in Him. I heard it again this week and wanted to share it with you. I hope it will encourage each of you as you face storms in your own lives. At one point the song says, "Every tear I've cried, You held in your hand. You never left my side". Know this is true for you just as it has been true for me.

Heaven, My Forever Home

Resurrection and new life; both of those things make me think of heaven. I was reading this week in a memory book that Ty filled out for our sons during the years he had cancer. I can only read in it a little at a time because reading his words makes him seem so close and makes me miss him more. In the book, Ty said, "When I think about the future I anticipate eternity in heaven with Christ. The future has come into much clearer focus. I continue to trust the Lord. My outlook on the future is hopeful because of Christ in whom I hope. The circumstances of this life are not hopeful, but I am thankful to be able to hope in Christ." Ty wrote in this memory book most often when he was sitting for hours getting chemo. How could he have such hope? John 14:1-3 explains why: "Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In my Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also." Ty had hope even in dying because of his relationship with Jesus, and now he is enjoying his "forever home" with Him in heaven. As I anticipate Easter it brings such joy to celebrate not only the resurrection of Jesus but also Ty's new life in heaven.

Not only does Ty have a new life in heaven, but I have a new life here too. Tammy Trent, whose husband Trent died in a diving accident, expresses my thoughts very well in her book, "Beyond the Sorrow". She says, "When I first lost Trent, I felt like the whole world was moving on and that I was floating outside of it, just trying to find my place. After awhile, it seemed like I gently fell back to the earth, and when my feet touched the hard ground I met Jesus there--waiting for me. After floods of tears, I trusted God with my emotions. I had no doubt He cared, and through His love I discovered who I really was. I looked at myself as if from the outside, and I saw a little girl whose life was just beginning again. When our picture perfect life comes crashing down, the truth of God's love and promises will carry us through. Seasons change. Seasons of life move along. Each new one draws us out of the old one. I'm coming to life again. My confession of faith is like a battle. I raise a clenched fist and declare, Yes! Yes, I will fight the lies of the enemy--defeat, depression. Yes, Lord, I will be a survivor. My battle cry is Yes!"

I told someone recently that according to Psalm 56:8 those floods of tears that Tammy talked about are being collected in a bottle in heaven. The Life Application Bible notes for that verse bring me such hope: Even in our deepest sorrow, God cares! Jesus reminded us further of how much God understands us--He knows even the number of hairs on our heads (Matthew 10:30). Often we waver between faith and fear. When you feel so discouraged that you are sure no one understands, remember that God knows every problem and sees every tear."

Yes, the tears continue to come, but I look forward to my "forever home" in heaven after this temporary life here. I'm encouraged by these verses about heaven from Revelation 21:3-4 "And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." How awesome is that--no more tears, death, sorrow or dying, and I will get to see Jesus, Ty and many others who knew Jesus as their personal Savior and friend.

Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song called "See" after his daughter was killed a few years ago. Listening to the lyrics was like Ty talking to me from heaven. As I listened it was as if he was saying,
"See, it's everything you said that it would be
and even better than you would believe.
I'm counting down the days 'til you're here with me,
and finally you will see"
Oh, how I'm anticipating that day. I can't wait! But for now God is enough for me in my new life here on earth without my sweetheart. Until that day I will choose to rejoice in Him one day at a time.

Every morning God reminds me to TRUST Him. Another
Steven Curtis Chapman song, "I Will Trust You" expresses my thoughts exactly as one of the lines say, "I know that His plans for me are much better than my own." (Jeremiah 29:11) I will choose to trust Him every day until THAT day when I see Him face to face in heaven, my "forever home".

You can listen to Steven Curtis Chapman's song "See" below, as well as watch his "I Will Trust You" music videos. I've pasted the words below each video for you. Let me know if they bless you as much as they have blessed me.



Right now all I can taste are bitter tears
And right now all I can see are clouds of sorrow
But from the other side of all this pain
Is that you I hear, laughing loud and calling out to me?

Saying "See, it's everything you said that it would be,
And even better than you would believe.
And I'm counting down the days until you're here with me,
And finally, you'll see."

But right now, all I can say is "Lord, how long
Before you come and take away this aching?"
This night of weeping seems to have no end.
But when the morning light breaks through,
We'll open up our eyes and we will see

It's everything that He said that it would be
And even better than we would believe
And he's counting down the days 'til He says "Come with me."
And finally he'll wipe every tear from our eyes
And make everything new, just like he promised
Wait and see, just wait and see, wait and see

And I'm counting down the days until I see
It's everything He said that it would be
And even better than we would believe
And I'm counting down the days 'til He says, "Come with me."
And finally, we'll see. We will see.

Oh taste and see that the Lord is good, the Lord is good
The Lord is good. Oh taste and see that the Lord is good
The Lord is good.





I don't even wanna breathe right now
All I wanna do is close my eyes
But I don't wanna open them again
Until I'm standing on the other side

I don't even wanna be right now
I don't wanna think another thought
And I don't wanna feel this pain I feel
And right now, pain is all I've got

It feels like it's all I've got, but I know it's not
No, I know You're all I've got
And I will trust You, I'll trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand, even then I will say again
You are my God, and I will trust You

God, I'm longing for the day to come
When this cloudy glass I'm looking through
Is shattered in a million pieces
And finally I can just see You

God, You know I believe it's true
I know I will see You
But until the day I do

I will trust You, trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

You are my God, and I'll trust You
And with every breath I take
And for every day that breaks
I will trust You
I will trust You
And when nothing is making sense
Even then I will say again

God, I trust You
I will trust You
I know Your heart is good
I know Your love is strong
And I know Your plans for me
Are much better than my own

So I will trust You, trust You
I trust You, God, I do
Even when I can't see the end
And I will trust You
I will trust You, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

God's Personal Reminders (Part Two)

Now for the rest of the story....Two weeks after my day of personal reminders in Hutchinson, I found myself struggling once again. This time I struggled with past failures, mainly things I wished I had done differently or even how I could have done better at caring for Ty's needs. This particular morning I felt like God had abandoned me. He felt so far away. Then, He led me once again to Dee Brestin's book, "The God of All Comfort". I opened it to the place I had read last. I was surprised (and yet I wasn't) when I read,

In times of spiritual dryness we need to focus not on our feelings, which are fickle, but on God, who is not. God can use our emotions for His glory, but when grief and fear are clouding our perspective and we focus on our feelings instead of God, the enemy has us exactly where He wants us. He whispers lies: "You don't feel Him [God] because He's gone. He's abandoned you." It's during these dry times that the enemy may also parade our sins or poor decisions before us, for he is the accuser.

After the loss of her husband the enemy haunted Dee with, "Why did you ever leave his side? Why didn't you sleep next to him on the floor at the end? He needed you and you weren't there. Why didn't you believe he was dying when so many people told you he was?" She goes on to say that all of these arrows have enough truth in them to hit their mark, which is what makes the accuser's poison so potent.

Her examples of those poisonous arrows:

'There were definitely times I let Steve(her husband) down.'
'I would do things differently if I had them to do again.'
'I was motivated, at least in part, by selfishness.'

I'll insert here that I was amazed as I read Dee's thoughts because I could have written them myself. It helped me so so much to have the Lord point out through Dee's story that I was not alone--that she had experienced exactly what I was going through. Dee goes on to say that those poisonous arrows also carry an enormous lie. The lie is because of my stupidity and selfishness, I have been abandoned by God. You and I know that we are not abandoned, even if we deserve it and even if our feelings scream that we have been abandoned. Jesus was abandoned so that we would never be.

Pastor Tim Keller says that the biggest problem during times of dryness is that we say, "I think God has finally given up on me. He's not there. Makes sense. I'm an idiot. I've been a failure. I'm inadequate. He's abandoned me." But that is not true! When our heart wavers, we must speak the truth to our souls for that is the only antidote to the enemy's poison. We must do what the Psalmist did, "No!" says the psalmist to his heart. "I will yet praise Him. He's a loving and gracious God." How can we know that for certain? Keller says, "Don't you see? Jesus Christ really experienced not just the loss of the feeling of God, He lost God. He was really forsaken by God. Why? So that despite your failures and your inadequacies, God will never give up on you."

God is there even if you don't sense Him. As Samuel Rutherford said, "Trust God's Word and His power more than you trust your own feelings and experiences. Remember, your Rock is Christ, and it is the sea that ebbs and flows with the tides, not Him." The rope we must cling to, the one that will never break, is the truth of God's Word, and God says He will never leave us or forsake us. It may feel like the streams of living water have dried up, but they have not.

Wow! Just like two weeks earlier on my trip to Hutchinson, Jesus was once again giving me personal reminders of His love and faithfulness in my darkest hours. First, He used two special women (Part One of God's Personal Reminders) to bless me with Dee Brestin's book and Bible study, and then He used Dee Brestin herself, a woman I have never met, to speak directly to my heart. Dee had lived what I'm now going through. By sharing what Jesus taught her during her dark days Dee is now influencing my life in huge ways.

I pray that those of you like me, who have at times felt abandoned by God, may be encouraged to know that you're not alone. You're not the only one who has those feelings. You're not crazy or abnormal. Don't listen to Satan's lies. Go back to the truth--the truth of God's character. Remember, God has promised, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5b. Do what the Psalmist did in the final verses of Psalm 42 and 43. "Put your HOPE in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." Don't give up. Seek Him. He is faithful and is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us...Ephesians 4:20.

One last reminder I want to leave with you is that Jesus loves you. He died for you and He wants a personal, intimate relationship with you. He is the only one who will never let you down. Take some time to read the Gospel of John. There you will find God's very own personal reminder of His great love for you through His Son, Jesus Christ.

God's Personal Reminders - (Part One)

Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you that hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24

February has been the hardest month for me since Ty's death. The hole in my heart that I talked about in my previous blog just seemed to get bigger. However, Jesus proves Himself faithful to me many times over in many different ways. Lately it has been the influence of different people which He has used to remind me of His faithfulness to me. You might call these my personal reminders

One particularly hard day comes to mind. I had headed to Hutchinson, which is about 40 miles away, for a couple appointments. It was a very melancholy day. I was so lonely for Ty and kept wishing I could call him and visit like I always used to do on my trips to town. I stopped for breakfast at The Dutch Kitchen, one of Ty and my favorite places. As a family, we have many special memories there. My boys love their cinnamon rolls heated up with lots of butter! I always miss Ty when I stop there, but I still feel at home because of the many friendships we've made. In fact, when Ty and I had stopped there just 10 days before he had died, he said as we were leaving, "Honey, I feel like I should be telling everyone good-bye." How right he was.

Now here I was, just a few months later enjoying my breakfast alone at our favorite restaurant. On this particular day I seemed to notice more than usual the older couples that came in. Ty and I used to joke about getting old together and coming to Dutch Kitchen with our walkers. I was reminded once again that we can make our plans, but the final outcome is in God's hands.

As I continued on to my appointments I seem to be constantly reminded that I was no longer a part of a “couple”. Throughout the day I heard about two couples who had taken or were planning trips to Las Vegas and the Bahamas. Even though I am surrounded by many friends and family who love me, I no longer have my sweetheart to do things with. There's no one who could ever replace Ty. I couldn't think about him that day without getting teary. Running the risk of looking like Rudolph with a bright red nose I decided to try to push all thoughts and memories of Ty aside while I finished my errands.

The loneliness continued to be extreme. I didn't even feel like talking to Jesus except to say, " This is so hard, Jesus. Please help me to want to keep going. I want so badly to be home in heaven with you and Ty." I told Him that I knew He was now my husband but that I really needed some reminders that He hadn't forgotten about me.

His first reminder came as I headed home and stopped at a little store outside of Hutch to look for a birthday card for my son, Yance. I hadn't been able to find one I liked at any other store that day. As I was checking out with the card, one of the girls who works there gave me a Valentine's gift bag. How sweet is that? She said that her mother, who is the owner of the store, wanted me to have it. I understood then why I couldn't find a card someplace else--the Lord knew I needed to stop there. When I got back to my car, I opened my gift and found Dee Brestin's Bible study called “The God of All Comfort." I thought, "God, you are so amazing!" A few weeks earlier I had received a book by the same name from a dear friend. Now I had the companion Bible study guide to go with the book which had already brought me such great comfort. Dee Brestin’s husband had also died of cancer. Our stories being very similar, I had found strength in the things she shared from her book.

God’s second reminder came as I started to put in the music CD that was included with the study guide and noticed that it was 6 p.m. That's when Chip Ingram speaks on Living on the Edge, one of my favorite radio Bible programs. I couldn't believe it when I turned it on and found that Chip's message that evening was to encourage those who were suffering. The Lord had that perfectly timed for me. My ride home from there was 30 minutes, and that's exactly how long the program was. One of the things that stood out in the message is that it's okay to cry out to God and express our anger, frustration, loneliness and hurt. He's big enough to handle it. That day I needed that reminder because I was keeping my emotions bottled up instead of expressing them to Jesus who wants to listen, lift my burdens and give me peace and strength.

God’s third reminder came when I got home and brought in the mail. There was a Valentine's card from a precious couple. The front read, "To Someone Very Special". Inside was a handwritten reminder that they were praying for me. The sentiment in the card made me smile and again marvel at my wonderful Savior as I thought about my prayer earlier in the day about wanting to be reminded that He still cared. The inside message also read, "May God's blessings shine on your life today and cause your heart to know how much you're loved and how much He cares. May His blessings grow and grow."

The reminders continued that evening as the phone rang a few minutes before I was heading to bed. It was Yance just calling to check in and say “I love you." As I shared the day’s events with him I told him that he was my fourth reminder of the day that God cared.

God is so good. He always knows what we need and as we cry out to Him in our weakest moments He uses others to remind us of His great love for us. Those reminders are His special and personal blessings to us. As I went to bed that night I was still very lonely for Ty, but God had reminded me again that he had used the influence of special people in my life to remind me that He hadn’t forgotten me.

My prayer for each of you is that just as Jesus was faithful to remind me of His love, you too will be reminded that He will never leave you nor forsake you. Cry out to Him. He will show you His love in unbelievable ways. He just might bring you some special “reminders” through some very special people. I hope I have been just the first of many.

Check back soon for the rest of the story (Part Two) to "God's Personal Reminders"

God Mends Hearts

I have a hole in my heart. My husband, sweetheart, and best friend Tyler, took a part of my heart with him when he died last October. I asked him often during our cancer journey how I would be able to go on with part of my heart missing. He always said what we both knew--"God will fill the hole." I have found that to be true, not just once, but many times. The loneliness that I feel for Ty at times is so extreme that it's hard to describe. It is something I had never felt before, a deep emotional, as well as physical pain. The first time I experienced it my heart hurt so badly that I thought I was having a heart attack. I've felt it many times since. It's at those times that I cry out to Jesus and ask Him to help me--to give me something to hang on to because I absolutely have no strength to keep going. He then reminds me that when I am weak, He is strong and that He is always faithful to His promises.

An example of that is one night, soon after Ty's death. I was missing Ty so much as I went to bed. I felt very weak and alone as I cried out to Jesus and asked Him how I was going to make it without my wonderful husband. It was sinking in that I really wouldn't see Ty again until Jesus was ready to take me home to heaven. Because God's Word says that 'when we seek Him with all our heart, we will find Him' (Jeremiah 29:13) I sought Him that night to give me some encouragement from His Word. He led me to Isaiah 54:5 which says

"For your Maker is your husband--the Lord Almighty is His name, the Holy One of Israel is your redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth."

WOW!! What a comfort that was--my God is not only my Father but a husband to me as well. And He had just lovingly led me to a verse that I had never noticed before. Our Lord always knows just what we need.

Recently, God once again revealed His faithful love to me. Ty and I had always enjoyed Sundays. We both loved going to Sunday School and church to fellowship with many friends and to be
taught and challenged from God's Word. We usually spent the rest of the day together reading, watching sports, doing chores, checking the cows, taking a walk or visiting family and friends. On this particular Sunday, my son Yance and his bride to be, Elaine, who had been visiting for the weekend, left for school after church. I spent alot of my afternoon reading and studying God's Word as well as journaling. It was an afternoon of remembering all the fun times Ty and I had together and being thankful for the years God had given us. I was reminded that the days you have with your spouse, children, and friends are so special. You need to savor each one and realize that someday there may not be a next day to do or say all the things you've been putting off. I was regretting not expressing more often to Ty how much I appreciated him; that I didn't spend even more time just sitting and visiting with him when he was still able to do so.

That evening I went to care groups for a time of fellowship with some people from our church. Driving back home was hard knowing that once again Ty would not be there. It did make me smile to think of Shea (my dog) waiting at home to greet me. But even that thought brought tears as I thought of Ty getting her for me earlier that year. He said that he knew I would need her to keep me company if Jesus took him home. Ty always knew what was best for me--Shea has been a blessing and has made coming home alone easier.

As I headed to bed that night my heart was heavy with all the things that I wished I could tell Ty. I was focusing on the regrets I had and being very hard on myself. I was so lonely for Ty. But I chose to once again reach out to Jesus. He led me to a favorite devotional book called Come Away My Beloved then to the chapter titled "I Joy Over You" Jesus used the following words to speak to my heart:

"My child, My little one, My under-sheperd. My dear friend. My love for you is deep and tender.

I love you because you are my child. I love you because I am your Father. I love you with Calvary love. At a great price I redeemed you--because I have always loved you.

Draw near to Me without spoiling the preciousness of our fellowship with the shadows of self-condemnation.

You are mine and I joy over you. Let the peace of God rule in your heart and mind, and be filled with thanksgiving."

I cried as I read His personal message to me. He gave me peace as I asked for His forgiveness for all those regrets. Once again I was reminded of God's great love for me, that He would never leave me nor forsake me; that He is my Father and my husband. God was, at that moment, filling my heart with Himself. Ty was so right when he had told me that God would fill the hole in my heart after he was gone.

Do you have a hole in your heart?

My encouragement to everyone whose hearts are broken and hurting is that Jesus will meet you where you're at. Reach out to Him. He is the only one who can mend your heart. He is always faithful, and He loves you.

"Be strong and take heart all you who hope in the Lord." Psalm 31:24


"Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J. Roberts
is a unique Christian book which beckons you to sit at God's feet and hear His voice. It calls you to come away and meet your loving heavenly Father in the pages of an evocative devotional. For over thirty years this book has nestled into the lives of thousands, touching seekers with a quiet power and moving believers to live more fully for a holy Savior.

If interesed in this book you can order it through christianbook.com.

January 10, 2010

It was a journey I would not have chosen for myself or my family 2 ½ years ago. Yet it was one God chose to allow us to travel; though not alone. He would go with us every step of the way. I want to share that journey with you but first let me go back to 1981.

My husband, Ty, and I were married on December 19, 1981. We basically knew each other all of our lives since our parents were friends, and we often were together as families. We’ve lived in Stafford, Kansas most of our married life. Our sons, Wyatt and Yance were born in 1985 and 1989. We also had a stillborn daughter, Marshay, in 1987 who died a week before her due date. That was a very difficult time, but we leaned on each other, and Jesus carried us and gave us strength and hope one day at a time. Ty worked for the Stafford Recreation Commission and Texaco Oil before he started working at a bank in Hudson and then the Farmer’s National Bank in Stafford. He also enjoyed farming and raising cattle. I worked at the FSA office in St. John, Kansas until Wyatt was born and then was blessed to stay home with him. It was a joy for both Ty and I to raise our boys and teach them about Jesus’ love. Homeschooling for 4 years was a fun and challenging adventure for all of us. I cherish that extra time I had with the boys. Wyatt and Yance both attended high school at Stafford. Wyatt then went to Kansas State University and Yance went to Oklahoma State University. Wyatt is married to Laurel, and they have a son named Preston who is almost 10 months old. Yance is engaged to Elaine Enix. They will both graduate from OSU in May and will be married on August 14, 2010.

We have always been a close family. The boys spent a lot of time helping Ty on the farm and learned to work hard. As a family a highlight of every year is going to Horn Creek, a family camp in Colorado. We look forward to seeing many special friends there each summer.

In March of 2007 we started down a new road. This is when the 2 ½ year journey began. Life as we knew it changed dramatically. Ty and I were always avid exercisers. We jogged together regularly early in the mornings. During January and February of 2007, Ty was having some problems breathing whenever we would go jogging. He thought it was just a cold, but when he went to the doctor we found out that he had non-smokers lung cancer. To make a long story short, the original diagnosis was that he had 4-8 months to live, but he went on to live for a little over 2 ½ years. He died on October 17, 2009. We would have celebrated our 28^th wedding anniversary on December 19th and Ty’s 52^nd birthday on December 24^th. As I write now, it’s still hard to believe that Ty’s cancer battle went on that long. He was on some type of chemotherapy all of that time and at one point had radiation when the cancer spread to his brain. I went with him for most of his treatments which were 45 miles away from our home at the Hutchinson Clinic. We wanted to spend as much time together as possible. Needless to say, it was a very difficult time. Our emotions were on quite a roller coaster. From the beginning, we as a family chose to praise our Lord and Savior through our “storm”. Yance reminded us right from the beginning that just as our Lord had provided enough manna for the children of Israel one day at a time in their wilderness journey He would provide daily for us what we would need for our wilderness journey. Jesus wanted us to trust Him one day at a time, and He gave us strength, peace, and hope each day for 2 ½ years. We prayed often for healing but didn’t know if that healing would come here or in heaven. Ty was amazing through it all. He didn’t complain about all the medicines, side effects, and pain. We just tried to keep on living as normal lives as possible and enjoyed every minute the Lord gave us together. It was so hard to watch Ty suffer and not be able to make it better for him. I’ll always treasure the words he spoke to me near the end as I wanted so badly to help him feel better. He said, “Honey, you’re doing a great job.” My heart broke when he could no longer say I love you like he always had many times a day. I’m so thankful that he is no longer in pain and is with Jesus, but I miss him so much.

Ty loved Jesus, and he cared for people. My desire as I write on this blog is to share about the hope that Ty and I had in Jesus during that 2 ½ year journey. And as my journey now continues on here without Ty I want to share with you how Jesus continues to bring me hope one day at a time as I choose to seek Him in His Word.

In Beyond The Sorrow Tammy Trent shares the following, after her husband died:

“From generation to generation, God has revealed Himself as a personal God who wants an intimate relationship with each one of us. He wants us to know Him, talk to Him and trust Him.”

One of the verses I go to often is Deuteronomy 31:8 NLT

“Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord is the one who goes before you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you or forsake you.”

I rest in the fact that God will never let me down. I can’t understand why Ty had to die, but I do know that God is in control and I can trust Him. The Bible says that God’s thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). Nancy Leigh DeMoss says in her book Surrender

“The will of God is exactly what we would choose if we knew what God knows.”

In this new beginning without Ty I am reminded that Jesus is always by my side. I’m encouraged by Ty’s favorite verses: Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

I look forward to traveling this new road with you and finding hope in Jesus together.