Heaven, My Forever Home

Resurrection and new life; both of those things make me think of heaven. I was reading this week in a memory book that Ty filled out for our sons during the years he had cancer. I can only read in it a little at a time because reading his words makes him seem so close and makes me miss him more. In the book, Ty said, "When I think about the future I anticipate eternity in heaven with Christ. The future has come into much clearer focus. I continue to trust the Lord. My outlook on the future is hopeful because of Christ in whom I hope. The circumstances of this life are not hopeful, but I am thankful to be able to hope in Christ." Ty wrote in this memory book most often when he was sitting for hours getting chemo. How could he have such hope? John 14:1-3 explains why: "Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In my Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also." Ty had hope even in dying because of his relationship with Jesus, and now he is enjoying his "forever home" with Him in heaven. As I anticipate Easter it brings such joy to celebrate not only the resurrection of Jesus but also Ty's new life in heaven.

Not only does Ty have a new life in heaven, but I have a new life here too. Tammy Trent, whose husband Trent died in a diving accident, expresses my thoughts very well in her book, "Beyond the Sorrow". She says, "When I first lost Trent, I felt like the whole world was moving on and that I was floating outside of it, just trying to find my place. After awhile, it seemed like I gently fell back to the earth, and when my feet touched the hard ground I met Jesus there--waiting for me. After floods of tears, I trusted God with my emotions. I had no doubt He cared, and through His love I discovered who I really was. I looked at myself as if from the outside, and I saw a little girl whose life was just beginning again. When our picture perfect life comes crashing down, the truth of God's love and promises will carry us through. Seasons change. Seasons of life move along. Each new one draws us out of the old one. I'm coming to life again. My confession of faith is like a battle. I raise a clenched fist and declare, Yes! Yes, I will fight the lies of the enemy--defeat, depression. Yes, Lord, I will be a survivor. My battle cry is Yes!"

I told someone recently that according to Psalm 56:8 those floods of tears that Tammy talked about are being collected in a bottle in heaven. The Life Application Bible notes for that verse bring me such hope: Even in our deepest sorrow, God cares! Jesus reminded us further of how much God understands us--He knows even the number of hairs on our heads (Matthew 10:30). Often we waver between faith and fear. When you feel so discouraged that you are sure no one understands, remember that God knows every problem and sees every tear."

Yes, the tears continue to come, but I look forward to my "forever home" in heaven after this temporary life here. I'm encouraged by these verses about heaven from Revelation 21:3-4 "And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." How awesome is that--no more tears, death, sorrow or dying, and I will get to see Jesus, Ty and many others who knew Jesus as their personal Savior and friend.

Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song called "See" after his daughter was killed a few years ago. Listening to the lyrics was like Ty talking to me from heaven. As I listened it was as if he was saying,
"See, it's everything you said that it would be
and even better than you would believe.
I'm counting down the days 'til you're here with me,
and finally you will see"
Oh, how I'm anticipating that day. I can't wait! But for now God is enough for me in my new life here on earth without my sweetheart. Until that day I will choose to rejoice in Him one day at a time.

Every morning God reminds me to TRUST Him. Another
Steven Curtis Chapman song, "I Will Trust You" expresses my thoughts exactly as one of the lines say, "I know that His plans for me are much better than my own." (Jeremiah 29:11) I will choose to trust Him every day until THAT day when I see Him face to face in heaven, my "forever home".

You can listen to Steven Curtis Chapman's song "See" below, as well as watch his "I Will Trust You" music videos. I've pasted the words below each video for you. Let me know if they bless you as much as they have blessed me.



Right now all I can taste are bitter tears
And right now all I can see are clouds of sorrow
But from the other side of all this pain
Is that you I hear, laughing loud and calling out to me?

Saying "See, it's everything you said that it would be,
And even better than you would believe.
And I'm counting down the days until you're here with me,
And finally, you'll see."

But right now, all I can say is "Lord, how long
Before you come and take away this aching?"
This night of weeping seems to have no end.
But when the morning light breaks through,
We'll open up our eyes and we will see

It's everything that He said that it would be
And even better than we would believe
And he's counting down the days 'til He says "Come with me."
And finally he'll wipe every tear from our eyes
And make everything new, just like he promised
Wait and see, just wait and see, wait and see

And I'm counting down the days until I see
It's everything He said that it would be
And even better than we would believe
And I'm counting down the days 'til He says, "Come with me."
And finally, we'll see. We will see.

Oh taste and see that the Lord is good, the Lord is good
The Lord is good. Oh taste and see that the Lord is good
The Lord is good.





I don't even wanna breathe right now
All I wanna do is close my eyes
But I don't wanna open them again
Until I'm standing on the other side

I don't even wanna be right now
I don't wanna think another thought
And I don't wanna feel this pain I feel
And right now, pain is all I've got

It feels like it's all I've got, but I know it's not
No, I know You're all I've got
And I will trust You, I'll trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand, even then I will say again
You are my God, and I will trust You

God, I'm longing for the day to come
When this cloudy glass I'm looking through
Is shattered in a million pieces
And finally I can just see You

God, You know I believe it's true
I know I will see You
But until the day I do

I will trust You, trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

You are my God, and I'll trust You
And with every breath I take
And for every day that breaks
I will trust You
I will trust You
And when nothing is making sense
Even then I will say again

God, I trust You
I will trust You
I know Your heart is good
I know Your love is strong
And I know Your plans for me
Are much better than my own

So I will trust You, trust You
I trust You, God, I do
Even when I can't see the end
And I will trust You
I will trust You, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

God's Personal Reminders (Part Two)

Now for the rest of the story....Two weeks after my day of personal reminders in Hutchinson, I found myself struggling once again. This time I struggled with past failures, mainly things I wished I had done differently or even how I could have done better at caring for Ty's needs. This particular morning I felt like God had abandoned me. He felt so far away. Then, He led me once again to Dee Brestin's book, "The God of All Comfort". I opened it to the place I had read last. I was surprised (and yet I wasn't) when I read,

In times of spiritual dryness we need to focus not on our feelings, which are fickle, but on God, who is not. God can use our emotions for His glory, but when grief and fear are clouding our perspective and we focus on our feelings instead of God, the enemy has us exactly where He wants us. He whispers lies: "You don't feel Him [God] because He's gone. He's abandoned you." It's during these dry times that the enemy may also parade our sins or poor decisions before us, for he is the accuser.

After the loss of her husband the enemy haunted Dee with, "Why did you ever leave his side? Why didn't you sleep next to him on the floor at the end? He needed you and you weren't there. Why didn't you believe he was dying when so many people told you he was?" She goes on to say that all of these arrows have enough truth in them to hit their mark, which is what makes the accuser's poison so potent.

Her examples of those poisonous arrows:

'There were definitely times I let Steve(her husband) down.'
'I would do things differently if I had them to do again.'
'I was motivated, at least in part, by selfishness.'

I'll insert here that I was amazed as I read Dee's thoughts because I could have written them myself. It helped me so so much to have the Lord point out through Dee's story that I was not alone--that she had experienced exactly what I was going through. Dee goes on to say that those poisonous arrows also carry an enormous lie. The lie is because of my stupidity and selfishness, I have been abandoned by God. You and I know that we are not abandoned, even if we deserve it and even if our feelings scream that we have been abandoned. Jesus was abandoned so that we would never be.

Pastor Tim Keller says that the biggest problem during times of dryness is that we say, "I think God has finally given up on me. He's not there. Makes sense. I'm an idiot. I've been a failure. I'm inadequate. He's abandoned me." But that is not true! When our heart wavers, we must speak the truth to our souls for that is the only antidote to the enemy's poison. We must do what the Psalmist did, "No!" says the psalmist to his heart. "I will yet praise Him. He's a loving and gracious God." How can we know that for certain? Keller says, "Don't you see? Jesus Christ really experienced not just the loss of the feeling of God, He lost God. He was really forsaken by God. Why? So that despite your failures and your inadequacies, God will never give up on you."

God is there even if you don't sense Him. As Samuel Rutherford said, "Trust God's Word and His power more than you trust your own feelings and experiences. Remember, your Rock is Christ, and it is the sea that ebbs and flows with the tides, not Him." The rope we must cling to, the one that will never break, is the truth of God's Word, and God says He will never leave us or forsake us. It may feel like the streams of living water have dried up, but they have not.

Wow! Just like two weeks earlier on my trip to Hutchinson, Jesus was once again giving me personal reminders of His love and faithfulness in my darkest hours. First, He used two special women (Part One of God's Personal Reminders) to bless me with Dee Brestin's book and Bible study, and then He used Dee Brestin herself, a woman I have never met, to speak directly to my heart. Dee had lived what I'm now going through. By sharing what Jesus taught her during her dark days Dee is now influencing my life in huge ways.

I pray that those of you like me, who have at times felt abandoned by God, may be encouraged to know that you're not alone. You're not the only one who has those feelings. You're not crazy or abnormal. Don't listen to Satan's lies. Go back to the truth--the truth of God's character. Remember, God has promised, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5b. Do what the Psalmist did in the final verses of Psalm 42 and 43. "Put your HOPE in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." Don't give up. Seek Him. He is faithful and is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us...Ephesians 4:20.

One last reminder I want to leave with you is that Jesus loves you. He died for you and He wants a personal, intimate relationship with you. He is the only one who will never let you down. Take some time to read the Gospel of John. There you will find God's very own personal reminder of His great love for you through His Son, Jesus Christ.