Jesus' Continued Faithfulness

As fall approaches and school begins again, I asked the Lord this morning, "What have you been teaching me?"

Honestly, this month has been a very emotional one for me. My youngest son, Yance married his sweetheart, Elaine on August 14. The week-end was filled with much fun and excitement as we traveled to Oklahoma City and enjoyed spending time with family and friends. A special memory for me was having Yance stay in my room the night before the wedding. We talked, cried and prayed together until early in the morning. We missed Ty so much and yet the Lord gave us both a peace as we thought of him in heaven with Jesus.

The wedding was beautiful as Yance and Elaine gave glory to our Lord and Savior and were so excited to finally be married. As the wedding began I was so honored to be escorted to my seat by my two sons and was thankful for my Lord's strength as my heart ached for Ty. It was another step on the journey that the Lord has me on. I enjoyed every minute of the wedding and am so blessed to have two sons who are following their Dad's advice to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul and mind. Not only that but I now have two very special daughters who love our sons and love Jesus too. Of course, I can't forget my grandson, Preston. I have so much to be thankful for.

However, at home after the wedding my emotions had changed. I didn't feel so thankful. I really didn't feel much at all other than I longed to be in heaven with Jesus and Ty. I cried out to Jesus even though I really didn't feel like it. He led me to read back through my journal from last November. I wasn't surprised that as I began reading from my journal and His Word that God continued to remind me of the hope I have in Him and all that I have to look forward to in my forever home in heaven.

Here are some highlights from that journal entry on November 15, 2009 (about a month after Ty died). Alot of my thoughts on that day were the same thoughts I had the week after the wedding. My prayer is that the things the Lord spoke to me will be an encouragement to you in whatever you're going through.

Date: November 15, 2009

"Jesus, thanks so much for loving me. Yesterday turned out to be a very difficult day. I missed Ty more than ever and the thought of getting up everyday for the rest of my life without him was overwhelming. Thanks for reminding me that you only ask me to take one day at a time and that you will give me strength for each day. I didn't feel your presence yesterday and yet as I was obedient to you and chose to read from your Word and hear your Word preached by Chip Ingram (www.lote.org) you reminded me of your promises:

that you haven't forgotten about me,

that you love me and

that I can count on you to walk with me side by side each new day for the rest of my life.

I choose to believe you when you say that you have plans for me, plans to prosper and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11); that you will work all things together for good for those who love you (Romans 8:28).

The best part of the day was when you showed yourself so abundantly as I was going to bed. Father, I was so lonesome then and as Chip had mentioned earlier, I should just cry out to you. That's what I did. I asked you to speak to me and you led me to the Voice of the Martyrs book- Extreme Devotion. The tears started as I remembered reading in it so many times on our way to the clinic when Ty had cancer. As I opened it to the place we had last read together, I read the verses that you had reminded me of already twice that day--from a friend and also on the radio: Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom He has given us." Ty and I went to that passage often during the cancer journey for encouragement and hope. It was like both you and Ty wanted to remind me to rejoice and hope in you. Ty and I often talked about the privilege it was to share in your sufferings, Lord, in order to bring more glory to you. It was and still isn't easy at all, but I'm so thankful for all you've taught me and continue to teach me about your love and faithfulness."

Later in the week He led me to Psalm 39. The theme of this Psalm is 'apart from God, life is fleeting and empty'. Verse 4 says:

"Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days, let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro; he bustles about but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you."

The commentary in my Bible says: "The brevity of life is a theme throughout the books of Psalms, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes. Ironically people spend so much time securing their lives on earth and spend little or no thought about where they will spend eternity. David realized that amassing riches and busily accomplishing worldly tasks would make no difference in eternity. Few people understand that their only hope is in the Lord." Amen to that--nothing the world offers could give me the peace and strength that Jesus gives me each day as I depend on Him.

As I have read and studied and chosen to fill my mind with the truths of God's Word since coming home from Yance and Elaine's wedding, my Savior and Lord continues to teach me about the hope I have in Him. He wants me to continue to remind others of that hope and how much Jesus loves each one of us. The other thing He has been reminding me is that this world is not my home. It's okay to be homesick for my forever home in heaven, but He isn't finished with me here yet and wants me to choose each day to rejoice in Him and rely on Him minute by minute for strength to do whatever He asks me to do.


The following videos really encouraged me this week. They both are about heaven which seems to be on my mind alot these days. Actually, I know that we would all be happier and more content if we would focus on Jesus and our eternal home more than the things of the world. Remember, this world is not our home, we're just passing through. We have so much to look forward to in heaven with our Savior and Lord.

The Blessing of Abiding in Jesus

Abiding in Christ means trusting Him, reaching out to Him, choosing to run to Him and find peace and rest when life is so hard. As I pondered what the Lord would want me to share this month, He immediately brought to my mind a very hard evening on my recent vacation to Horn Creek, a family camp in Colorado. Ty and I and our boys have gone there every year (except for one) since 1986 when Wyatt(our oldest) was just 13 months old. I debated about going this year without Ty, but the Lord assured me that I wouldn't be alone--He would be with me. Wyatt, Laurel and Preston went too, as well as my mom. But--back to that evening that I mentioned earlier. I'm going to share directly from my journal the entry that I wrote the morning after our 1st night there. My prayer is that you will be encouraged by God's amazing faithfulness as I share how He comforted me.

From my journal: "The Lord has already blessed me so much since I arrived at Horn Creek. I continue to miss Ty alot. I'm surrounded by memories of 23 years here with him. I can hear him telling me to drink lots of water and as I walk into my room I automatically drink a glass of water. When I first got here, Don and Linda Flack greeted me. They are the volunteer greeters here for the summer. They were also here with Ty, Wyatt, and I the 1st year we came. They hugged me and we cried together. Seeing my name without Ty's on the camper list was hard. I just hugged Wyatt and cried. It's like I know Ty isn't here and isn't coming back, but it still doesn't seem real. It was also great to see other friends and to find comfort as we hugged, cried and missed Ty. Jesus loved me so well through many special friends. Also, another blessing He provided was giving me a room in the mini-lodge instead of the cabins and not only just a room but our favorite room. I was reminded that God delights in me and loves to bless beyond what I could ask or imagine. Even though there are many lonely moments, I still feel "at home" here. The first night when I came into my room and shut the door the memories overwhelmed me and I repeated the words I've said often since Ty's death last October, "Lord, this is so hard." I missed Ty so much and just wanted him to be here with me. As always, I cried out to Jesus and ask Him to hold me close. I told Him again that I don't understand why Ty and I couldn't have more years together, but I trust His perfect plan and know that He isn't finished with me here. As I got ready for bed I could just feel His presence with me and was not at all surprised when I picked up a devotional from David Jeremiah's ministry and read "Behold, I am with you and will keep you WHEREVER you go...I will not leave you." Genesis 28:15. I thought, WOW, Lord you couldn't be more clear. Just like you are with me everyday back home, you are with me here. In the devotional, Susanna Wesley talks about trials. She says that in God's providence even her burdens have become blessings, "All my sufferings have occurred to promote my spiritual and eternal good." The devotional goes on to say that we have a God who admirably manages our lives with His all powerful greatness. That's why we grow more spiritually during trials than any other time in life. Our self-sufficiency is brought low and our reliance on God becomes great. The quote at the end put the icing on the cake--"For come what may, from day to day my Heavenly Father watches over me." I just laid down the devotional and was in total awe of God, but that wasn't all He had for me. I picked up the Horn Creek devotional. Some verses from Isaiah 64 say "Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you who acts on behalf of those who WAIT for Him. I wrote,"God, You are amazing, faithful, and wonderful. What would I do without you? You always give me exactly what I need as I run to you. I thanked Him and ask Him to hold and comfort me and then I went to sleep.

There were many more blessings that week as I continually chose to abide in Jesus, to run to Him not away from Him. Psalm 91 is a wonderful reminder of God's nearness and care for us. Charles Spurgeon has said of Psalm 91,"The blessings here are not for all believers but for those who live in CLOSE FELLOWSHIP with God."

Kris Goertzen in her study on humility says: "That's all a God-centered woman wants --nearness to God. No pretending, that just leaves us empty. No masks, that leaves us weary. We want the nearness of God! that alone satisfies." I totally agree with what Kris says as she asks, "Do you long for deep relationships and intimacy? Searching to have these voids filled can be fearfully destructive. I'd like to save you a lifetime of pain by telling you the real truth. You won't find it in friends or in husbands, by getting your way or by getting more stuff. The great Thomas Watson said, 'Walking with God is the best way to know the mind of God; friends who walk together impart their secrets to one another.'" Kris ends with "Wow, walking through life together with God, the One who knows me and loves me perfectly. The One I can trust fully, who will never hurt or disappoint me. That's intimacy."

That intimacy comes from abiding in Jesus. It's believing everything that He says in His Word. If He said it, I believe it, and it's because of that intimate, trusting relationship that I have with Him that I can wake up each morning choosing to rejoice in Him whether I feel like it or not. I can rely on Him to give me joy, peace, and strength because that's what He promises in His Word and I believe Him!!!

Jesus is my everything. I truly can't face a day without Him. The song below expresses exactly how I feel. I get teary every time I listen to it because I am so thankful for Jesus and the unbelievable strength and peace that He gives me everyday. Many people have ask me how I have continued on with such joy and purpose--the answer to that is Jesus' power in me. I could never make it without Him. My prayer for each of you is that you will seek Him and rest in Him today. Remember, He delights in you and desires an intimate relationship with you. He will meet your every need. I speak from experience when I say that NOTHING the world has to offer compares to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He is worthy of your complete trust!