Taking the hand of Jesus

 

 "Hands" is the theme for the lovelybranches.org blogs this month. Often I don't choose to follow the theme, but my first thought when I heard it was of a picture that I cherish. It was taken at Wyatt and Laurel's wedding and is a close-up of Ty's hand holding mine. When Ty and I were looking at the wedding pictures deciding which one to get...Ty definitely wanted this one. He said that if our Lord didn't heal him here and chose to take him home to heaven that I would especially be grateful for that picture. Well, he was right as he usually was. It is one of my most treasured possessions. I always loved his big, strong hands; hands that totally enveloped my smaller ones. I was comforted in uncertain or hard situations by just taking his hand and feeling that familiar squeeze, knowing without a word from him that he was there for me. As the years go by, and I continue to walk the road that Jesus has for me here, I am even more thankful for that precious picture because I never want to forget what his hand looked like and the comfort I always felt as I so often reached out for it. Amazingly, that picture brings much comfort each day as it is a reminder to me that although I no longer have Ty's hand to reach for that I do have the hand of my Savior to hold onto. Just as holding Ty's hand brought much comfort and assurance in years past; taking hold of the hand of Jesus and trusting Him does as well. 
   I encourage each of you today to choose to take hold of the hand of Jesus, to walk with Him, to share your heart with Him. He loves you so much and is holding out His hand to you just waiting for you to take it and trust and rest in Him. Allow Jesus to walk with you as well as lead and guide you today and everyday. 
   If you are blessed to have a spouse, then choose to take time to hold their hand while you enjoy reading together God's love letter (His Word) or take a walk, hand in hand, talking to our creator as you enjoy His beautiful creation. If you don't have time for either of those things, then your life is too busy. Treasure every moment; don't take each other for granted. None of us are guaranteed another day, another year.
   As I was finishing writing these thoughts, I was again amazed as my Lord led me to a devotional by David Jeremiah which expresses very well what Ty's hands and now what the hands of my Savior express to me.
   The verse from the devotional is from I Chronicles 28:20 and says: Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord God--my God--will be with you.
   Then from the devotional titled, Tucked In: When Corrie ten Boom was a little girl, her father used to tuck her into bed at night. He talked and prayed with her, then laid his big hand on her little face. Later, when Corrie was imprisoned in a brutal concentration camp, she would ask God to tuck her in and lay His hand on her face. "That would bring me peace, and I would be able to sleep." Corrie wrote in her book, Each New Day. 
   One of our Lord's names is Emmanuel, meaning "God with us." Our dads and moms (or our spouse) may no longer be around to tuck us into bed, but our Emmanuel never leaves us. Sometimes it helps to envision His presence beside us in the car, sitting by us in the pew at church, or leaning over us in bed as if to tuck us in. It's not a matter of visualizing an imaginary person but of recognizing a Friend's presence.
   Jesus said,"Lo, I am with you always." So be strong and of good courage, and do not fear or be dismayed, for the Lord God will be with you.
   As Corrie ten Boom prayed and you and I can pray too: Jesus, thank You that because of Your constant presence, I am never alone. Hold my hand tightly, Lord. Although afflictions may torment me, they can never defeat me.
   I'm trusting each of you into His loving hands. Hold on; hold tight!! May our Lord bless you richly with HOPE in His presence!
   Choosing to share the song: "You Never Let Go" by Matt Redman as a reminder that God is always with us. We do not need to fear because He will never let go of us--His beloved children!

God Never Gives Up on You!

Honestly, I don't even know where to begin this month. Since sharing with you last I, like each of you I'm sure, have had good days and tough days. My journal is filled with thanks to the Lord for his faithfulness as well as cries to him to help me in my weakness-----again! I'm so thankful that he never gives up on me. That as his child, God looks at me lovingly, with compassion, just like he looks at his son Jesus because of the sacrifice that He made at the cross for us. Elyse M. Fitzpatrick in her book, "Because He Loves Me" (a book I highly recommend) says it this way: "He loves you with the same intensity and purity of love that he has for his Son (John 17:23). Jesus is his beloved and so are you." What a blessing!! God's love for me and you never changes.

 As the theme this month for the lovelybranches.org blogs is on 'Serving God and Serving Others', I believe that in order to do that we, as followers of Jesus Christ, need to be more open with our struggles and battles. In doing so, we can then serve each other by praying with and for each other and be reminded that we're not alone and we're not crazy like Satan wants us to believe. I'll share with you a journal entry of one of those "battle" days.

A very tough morning. My feelings say, "I hate myself." I hate my sin. I hate battling the same sins over and over. I just want to give up. It's so much harder being a committed follower of Jesus Christ than how it was when I just tacked Jesus on to "my life" and "my agenda." I think this is the 1st time I have ever said to the Lord, "I hate myself." I am thankful for you Lord and love talking to you and listening to your Words to me in the Bible, but I have been so lonely lately for another human to hear my heart and to tell me that I'm not crazy (like Ty used to do). It just takes me so long to make decisions and when I do I second guess myself. I am less patient with others as well as myself recently. I'm reading and studying God's Word as well as crying out to Him and yet...I continue to battle the same things. I read Hebrews 12 and 13 this morning reminding me that God will never forsake me, that I need to endure hardship as discipline, that I need to continue to keep my eyes on Jesus, and that He will equip me with everything I need to do His will. The life application commentary said: "God works in us to make us the kind of people that would please Him, and He equips us to do the kind of work that would please Him. Let God change you from within and then use you to help others. Hebrews is a call to Christian maturity. Christian maturity means making Christ the beginning and end of our faith. To grow in maturity, we must center our lives on Him, not depending on religious ritual, not falling back into sin, not trusting in ourselves, and not letting anything come between us and Christ. Christ is sufficient and superior!" My heart is hurting, Lord. I know that I have nothing to complain about--that I am blessed in so many ways--that I don't have the struggles that Job had or that Joni Eareckson Tada has, etc..., but I still am weary of this life, of my failures and my sin. A part of me wants to go back to when I was blinded to all the sin in my life because then Satan left me alone, but I also didn't have the  peace, joy and contentment either which I wouldn't trade for anything so I'm choosing to do what I just re-read from a previous entry in my journal: "Endure for today--hang tough--don't give up--don't give in--don't feel sorry for yourself. The testing of your faith produces endurance. Obey God right now. You have grace for today, fresh grace for every hour. On bad days He gives more grace. Don't worry about 5 years from now--the Lord may come back in 4!" Also there was another reminder for my heart that despises myself today: "Because of God's grace, it's never too late to become what you might have been. God can redeem our wasted years." Please give me your grace, Lord, minute by minute on this hard day where I need you desperately to remind me that you delight in and cherish me even and especially when I don't like myself at all.

I'll share my follow-up entry on the next day where Jesus did answer my prayer from the day before and did remind me of his love and faithfulness.

A quick follow-up on my very difficult day yesterday. I shared with some dear friends about my day. It's always good to bring our struggles out in the open. We had a very encouraging time encouraging each other as well as praying for each other. I mentioned my difficult time with most decisions--just want to honor you, Lord, with every one. I shared my desire to have more wisdom to know what your will is. Well--amazement again at you, Lord, when I turned on the radio that evening and heard Chip Ingram talking about how to know what God's will is for you. He used the verse Psalm 32:8 which is one I pray all the time--a great promise from Jesus: "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." I'm constantly amazed at how personal you are, Lord. First I had to choose to turn on the radio and not the TV and then you used Chip to speak the exact words that I needed to hear that day! But....You weren't done yet. As I went to bed last night I read in the "God is Faithful" devotional by Larry Burkett and Chuck Bentley. The title was "Be the Best." Larry closed the devotional with "We will function the best when we are where God wants us to be. There's nothing better than that! Find out what you are good at--what you enjoy--be the best you can be--with God's help." Then the verse at the end was.....Psalm 32:8!! Wow, Lord--very simply--you have reminded me again that I need to believe You--believe Your promise to me that you will lead, guide, instruct, and counsel me in the way I  should go (in every decision) as I TRUST YOU!!! Thank you, Lord for HOPE today. Life is hard. The battles will continue, but You are always faithful.

So there you have it. I went from despair and weariness to hope once again in my very faithful, loving, and patient Savior. I just want to encourage each of you in your walk with Jesus. Hang tough, keep fighting, persevere, share your heart with Jesus as well as with friends. Read His Word, His precious love letter to you and believe and rest in every one of His many promises not your feelings. Thank God for what you have. Trust Him for what you need. We have a priceless treasure in our Savior. How blessed we are!!!!

"Draw Me Nearer" by Meredith Andrews is the song I chose for you today. I trust that you will feel His nearness and love as you continue to seek Him each day. One of my favorite lines in the song is: "Where you are is where I'm home."

Contentment in Jesus

   Back in January I shared with you that Jesus spoke to my heart about going on a clothing, shoes and jewelry fast for a year. Here are some things that I've learned and been reminded of in the past 6 months since that time. First of all it's hard to believe that it's already been 6 months. It's actually been a fun adventure and has forced me to be more creative in putting together new outfits with the things I already have. I have put different belts, scarves, and jewelry with outfits to change an "old" look. I have realized how easy it is to confuse wants with needs and how often I get something new because it's "a great deal" rather than evaluating whether It's something I really need. We have choices every day of how we're going to spend the resources that God had given us. Everything we have is His, and I desire to be a good steward of what He has given me. I've noticed that by not spending and therefore not even looking or shopping for clothes, etc... has made me evaluate all areas of where I spend money. I am much more conscious of focusing on needs more than wants. I have become more frugal in all areas, appreciate all that I already have more, and am reminded that there are so many people whose needs are greater than mine. I say that I want to give more to meet the needs of others, but am I willing to give up some of my "wants" in order to do that? Decisions are hard for me so it's been nice to not have to decide which dress or shirt or pair of shoes to buy and instead choose to wear and be thankful for the things that I have and have worn many times before. Really....does anyone else care what I wear and why do so many get caught up in having the latest fashion trend? What really matters--wearing something new or having a heart that is seeking to know Jesus better and a desire to share His love with others? Our world focuses much more on the outward appearance while Jesus focuses on our hearts. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with dressing and looking nice, but   it can become a problem when the pursuit of "things" (clothes, vacations, homes, electronics, TV, etc....) become more important than desiring to know Jesus better. 

   In order for Jesus to fill our hearts with Himself, we need to be willing to deny ourselves. Self-denial is a common thread in Christ's teachings to His disciples (Matthew 10:38, 16:24; Mark 8:34; Luke 14:26,27; John 12:24-26). From my journal on June 23 I wrote:

   Self-denial is a willingness to obey His commandments, serve one another and suffer--perhaps even die--for His sake. I desire to do that now, but the Holy Spirit has shown me that for much of my life my actions did not demonstrate self-denial but self-preoccupation. I desired to be served more than to serve--didn't know Jesus and therefore His Word well enough to obey His commands and certainly was not willing to suffer and die for Him. I didn't want to miss out on anything this world had to offer. My focus was on the here and now not my home with Jesus in heaven forever. My focus was on the world and "fitting in" rather than on denying myself and being willing to be different and misunderstood. Jesus was a servant, loved others passionately, was misunderstood and ridiculed by many and willingly suffered and died for me. He asks me to deny myself and follow Him. As He, through the Holy Spirit, has revealed to me that  for much of my life my focus was on myself and being accepted in this world--now I pray that I will choose each day to deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him; that I will desire to follow in His footsteps, being willing to do the will of my Heavenly Father no matter what the cost just like Jesus, my Savior, did every minute that He walked this earth until He suffered and died for me on the cross. Really--if I truly love Him and say that I am a follower of His--can I do any less? Instead of expecting life here to be easy, I need to realize that it won't be. It wasn't easy for Jesus, and it wasn't easy for His disciples, but as Paul (who suffered much) said: "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21 I desire to live the rest of my life here to honor and glorify my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, to share His love and story of hope with others, and to 
look forward to my forever home with Him someday!!!

    In denying myself some things this year because of the clothing fast, it has reinforced how important contentment is. As I've shared here before, I was discontent for much of my life and was always seeking to find contentment with more stuff. Hebrews 13:5 says: "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." The life application commentary sums up so well what my Lord has taught me: "How can we learn to be content? Strive to live with less rather than desiring more; give away out of your abundance rather than accumulating more; relish what you have rather than resent what you're missing. We become content when we realize God's sufficiency for our needs. Christians who become materialistic are saying by their actions that God can't take care of them--or at least that He won't take care of them the way they want. Insecurity can lead to the love of money, whether we are rich or poor. The only antidote is to trust God to meet all our needs. See God's love expressed in what He has provided, and remember that money and possessions will all pass away." God promises to meet our needs in Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Again I have found the  life application commentary to be so true: "We can trust that God will always meet our needs. Whatever we need on earth He will always supply, even if it is the courage to face death as Paul did. We must remember, however, the difference between our wants and our needs. Most people want to feel good and avoid discomfort or pain. We may not get all that we want. By trusting in Christ, our attitudes and appetites can change from wanting everything to accepting His provision and power to live for Him."

  Contentment in Jesus brings freedom from the desire for "more". Contentment in Jesus alone is lasting, never-changing and a constant, constant, HOPE! 

   The song I'm sharing with you today is called "My Reward" by Kristian Stanfill. Is Jesus your reward today? Does He mean more to you than anyone or anything else? Praying that you will choose to make knowing Him your most important priority. You will not be disappointed. HE IS AMAZING!!!


   

Remembering God's Faithfulness

   Writing this on Memorial Day. Just got home from going to the cemetery with Ty's parents and my mom. We talked about how glad we are to be able to rejoice that Ty and our daughter (granddaughter), Marshay are in heaven. What a blessing it was to then hold hands as Dad prayed thanking our Lord for His faithfulness, acknowledging our loneliness for Ty but still rejoicing in the love and compassion of Jesus for us, knowing that His plan is always the best plan whether we understand it or not. Thankful for Mom and Dad (Ty's folks) and all their encouragement, love and support. So fun to be with them even though being with Dad makes me miss Ty more because Ty was so much like him.
   It's been a week of contemplation as Ty's Grandma Farney died. She was 101 years old and ready to meet her Savior. She and Ty shared the same birthday on Christmas Eve. We usually celebrated with a birthday breakfast at Mom and Dad's. What fun that was!! Imagining Ty enveloping his grandma in a big hug as he welcomed her to heaven makes me smile. It also made my heart ache to be there with them. But...my loving heavenly Father reminded me once again that He still has plans for me here, and I need to just keep walking with Him day by day until that day that He takes me home. 
   After returning home from the cemetery, I once again reached for my Bible and enjoyed some time with Jesus. As I visited with Him, I was reminded how much my faith has grown in the last 3 1/2 years since Ty went to heaven and into the arms of Jesus. I know my Savior so much better now. I know that He is faithful as He has proven to me over and over. Rejoicing in Him today!!! As I was praying, He brought Psalm 39 to my mind. The theme: "Apart from God, life is fleeting and empty." Amen to that!!!  Because of my relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ, I have joy, peace, fulfillment, and contentment in my life now without my sweetheart, Ty. Only Jesus can mend our broken hearts and give us everything we need to carry on in this world. Verse 12 says: "Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping." By that verse in my Bible I have written 2 dates--one of which was on another Memorial Day when my kids left to go home and I was particularly lonely. I cried out to my Lord, and He did hear my prayer and reminded me of the HOPE that only He can give. As verse 7 says: "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My HOPE is in You." That's what Jesus has done for me day after day is fill up the loneliness in my heart with more of Him. I continue to be so in awe of Him and His overwhelming love and care for me. As I read through the rest of this Psalm, verses 5 and 6 especially stood out on this Memorial Day as a reminder to how short our lives are here compared to eternity. "You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before You. Each man's life is but a breath. Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro. He bustles about but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it." Then again to verse 7: "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My HOPE is in You." The life application commentary for those verses: "The brevity of life is a theme throughout the books of Psalms, Proverbs and Ecclesiastes. Ironically people spend so much time securing their lives on earth and spend little or no thought about where they will spend eternity. David realized that amassing riches and busily accomplishing worldly tasks would make no difference in eternity. Few people understand that their only HOPE is in the Lord." 
   My HOPE today is that your HOPE is in Jesus and that you have a personal intimate relationship with Him. If you don't and would like to just click on this word: HOPE to read His personal invitation to you from His Word. A relationship with Jesus is the most important relationship you will ever have. For those of us   who do know Jesus I pray that our desire to know Jesus better will increase every day and our focus on this world and the things of this world will decrease.  Being on my clothing fast this year is definitely helping me in that area. (I'll share more about that in another post.) As I've mentioned many times here before--NOTHING and NO ONE in this world can meet our deepest needs like Jesus can. As followers of Jesus Christ--remember this world is not our home--we are just passing through until that day when we'll be truly home with Jesus--our Lord and Savior forever and ever! I can't wait--how about you?
   I'll close with the song "What a Savior" trusting, as the song says, that He is your Savior, your deepest desire and your HOPE.

  

Resting in God's Promises

Here are some facts for you to ponder and rejoice in:

   God's Word, the Bible is readily available to each one of us to correct, encourage, comfort and guide us.

   God, the creator of the universe, loves and delights in you and desires to have a personal, intimate relationship with you.
    All of God's promises are true. You can always count on Him.

    He will never leave you or forsake you.

   My heart breaks when I hear statistics saying that many people who call themselves Christians don't believe that the Bible is God's inspired and living Word to us. As I've mentioned before--I think of it as His love letter to me. It becomes dearer to my heart each day because my love for my Savior, Jesus, grows every day.
     It wasn’t always that way though. For many years Jesus wasn’t my top priority. I can see that so clearly now but couldn’t see it then. Satan–the great deceiver is so good at sidetracking us and getting us to focus and spend our time at anything else other than at the feet of Jesus, reading His Word and talking with Him. He loves to keep us so busy with life, our families, and often times with many “good” things so that our time with Jesus is just a few moments squeezed in. It wasn’t until I became very weary of trying to keep up with all that the world says you have to be and have that I was exhausted. I was always seeking that elusive peace, contentment and joy through yet another person (family, friends) place (vacations, church, my home) or thing (food, clothes, TV, movies, books, exercise, etc.). But then I cried out to Jesus and told Him that I wanted to know Him and claimed His promises from James 4:8 “Draw near to me and I will draw near to you.” and from Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”
    God is just waiting patiently for us to desire to know Him.  What I found is that as I picked up His Word and made seeking Him and knowing Him better a priority that He created in my heart more of a hunger to know Him more intimately every day. It was amazing and still is amazing. He is amazing! You can never outgive God. I can promise you that as you step out in faith, He will show up and bless you--often not with more things of this world but more of Himself which is far better than anything else. 
    I still marvel at all the changes He has made in my heart as I have chosen to make knowing Him better and loving Him more the priority of every new day. It's a choice I make every day with every decision. He wants to lead us every step and every moment of every day. My desire is to be so in step with Him that I'm allowing Him to direct and lead me constantly--that I am willing to lay aside my schedule for His--always. That's definitely not easy at times because I want my way, but every time I choose to obey I am blessed because His way is always BEST. That elusive peace, joy, hope and contentment that I was searching for I have now found in Jesus alone. What freedom that brings! I believe every one of His promises because I know and trust Him. Because of that I do not fear what tomorrow holds because I know who holds the future! But...there is much fear in our world. The following statements come from Jon Bloom's blog which he wrote a few days after the terror attack at the Boston Marathon. Satan wants us to believe: "You are not safe anywhere. Your trust in God is a foolish trust. Your God is not going to deliver you." Jon goes on to say that "fearing the Lord is believing the Lord. God's Word is stronger that the evil in the world."  Do you believe that God is in control no matter what happens in our world? Do you stand on God's promises and REST in them?
    I would like to share with you the blog page I mentioned above by Jon Bloom. I encourage you to click this link: Lay Aside the Weight of Fear. I read it on the Desiring God website and made a copy for myself because it has a list of many of God's wonderful promises which I hope and pray will encourage you and bring you peace.  What we read, listen to and fill our minds with is what we become. I pray that we will all become more and more like Jesus as we read His story, His love letter, to us.
    The song I've chosen to share with you is another one that our praise team at church shared with us. It's called "Sovereign". It sums up so well what I've tried to share with you--that our God is in control, that we do not need to fear anything, that all of our hopes, lives, fears and dreams are held in His hands, and we can trust Him!!! 

Be Joyful Always, Pray Continually and Be Thankful

Have been reading back through my journal this month and it sure is hard to choose what to share. Jesus is always teaching me something good. I ended my blog with you last month sharing about some special verses in I Thessalonians 5:16-18: "Be joyful always, pray continually and be thankful in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Interestingly those were the verses that Dr. Jeremiah used in his devotional for March. He has a number of articles that he wrote about these verses. That brings me to this entry in my journal on March 18.

Spent time reading through Dr. Jeremiah's articles on I Thessalonians 5:16-18. Those are the verses the Lord specifically led me to after Yance and Elaine's wedding when I was extremely lonely for Ty and had been asking Him--"Lord, what is your will for me." He answered so clearly and those verses have been such a foundation for me. So many times when I have been desperate for what to do next, been wanting to give up, been lonely and hurting--I have chosen to obey His Words to me in those verses. He then gives me just what I need to take the next step, even if it's just a baby step, to keep on going. I still marvel at how personally and intimately He meets my need and speaks to my heart. I will always remember so clearly the heaviness of my heart on that morning, the morning after Yance and Elaine's wedding. Yance had stayed in my hotel room with me the night before and I will always treasure that time. We talked about Ty and how much we missed him and how hard it was to understand why he couldn't be with us to share in this most important time in Yance's life. Our hearts grieved because of that but also rejoiced in our Savior, Jesus Christ and in knowing and trusting that His plan is ALWAYS the BEST even though it isn't always the easiest. We rejoiced that Ty was now in heaven with Jesus and no longer suffering from the cancer that took over his body. We also talked about our relationship as mother and son and how that would change the next day as he became Elaine's husband. As our Lord instructs us in His Word--once we marry we are to leave mother and father and cleave to our husband or wife. The Holy Spirit had been drawing us both closer to Jesus before Ty got cancer in preparation for that journey and we loved challenging each other in our walk with our Savior. We spent lots of time in conversations about what He was teaching us and how He was helping us through the cancer journey with Ty. We had leaned on each other as we also rested in Jesus during the cancer journey so that we could be strong to help Ty keep fighting. As we talked, cried and prayed together that night, I was so excited for the new journey that Yance would begin the next day with precious Elaine, but I also knew that our relationship would be different. His allegiance and focus would now be on Elaine. His heart would belong first to Jesus and then to her. That's why the morning after their wedding was particularly difficult for me and that I felt so lonely. When Wyatt and Laurel got married Ty was still here and it was easier to let go because I still had him and Jesus to lean on. Now I just had Jesus and YES--He is enough, but I longed for and was very lonesome for that human companionship with Ty. So...my Lord's very specific words to me from I Thess. brought me much hope as He very specifically gave me instructions in what to do that morning when I truly didn't have the strength to take the next step on my new journey with Him. As I poured out my heart to Him and chose to be joyful and thankful for all His many blessings and promises, He brought joy to my heart and gave me His strength in my weakness. It's been fun to be reminded of these verses again in not only Dr. Jeremiah's devotional but also in the Bible study that we're doing in Lovely Branches. His timing is always perfect. As we near the opening of Taste and See Coffee House, He knew I needed to be reminded to be joyful, pray continually and to be thankful in the midst of being overwhelmed by all the preparations, decisions and things to learn before opening day. Again, it's not about me or us (the Lovely Branches Ministries Board) and our abilities--it's all about Jesus and relying on Him to lead and guide us in the way we should go as well as to TRUST Him to direct our paths. We can't do this in our strength, but we can do all things through Him who gives us strength. In and of myself, I'm scared to death of trying to remember how to make all the drinks, run the equipment, bake somewhere other than my kitchen, etc...but Jesus continually asks me: "Keva, do you trust Me? I have promised to do immeasurably more that you can ask or imagine. Come to me and REST--be joyful, pray continually and be thankful. Take my hand and I will lead you and give you exactly what you need to accomplish what I have called you to do!!!"

Yes, I was quite panicked after our first lesson on how to use the espresso machine. There were too many variables for my very concrete mind. I was sure that Jesus didn't intend for me to make the espresso--that I could do everything else. Well, very patiently He reminded me that fear does not come from Him and that I certainly wasn't resting and trusting in Him to help me. So... I chose to trust Him to help me and now feel much more comfortable with the machine. Now I sure wouldn't say that we're great buddies yet--I much prefer making smoothies and freezes--but I'm no longer panicked and am willing to learn. Taste and See Coffee House opened on March 25, and it has been fun to serve lots of yummy drinks and baked goods as well as to share Jesus love and compassion. It's another new journey for me on this road without Ty. I missed having him here to be excited with me as well as to encourage me when I was feeling overwhelmed. The neat thing is that he knew about the coffee house dream that Jesus gave us. He would be so excited and if he were here would have been one of the first ones in requesting that I make him a latte so I could practice!!

As far as the clothing fast goes--I'm too busy to think about shopping. I was pondering this morning which of my "old" dresses to wear on Easter. In doing so, I realized how thankful and content I am with all that I have. I wrote this is my journal on March 19: When Jesus is our HOPE and FOCUS, our needs are met and our wants become less and less. I'm finding that my desire for more things is truly diminishing. What I truly want more of is more of Jesus--to know Him better. The more time I spend in His Word as well as reading stories about what He's doing in the lives of others, the more I want to know Him. 

That continues to be my prayer for each of you--that you would hunger and thirst for more of Jesus because He is the BEST and the ANSWER for all the deepest needs of your heart. I know that I say that so much here, but it's just the TRUTH. He's loves you so much--seek Him, make Him your #1 priority above everything else. I promise that you will not be disappointed and will find true peace and freedom!!! 

As you watch the following video and listen to Jeremy Camp's song: "In His Presence", I pray that you and I will choose each day to rejoice in His love for us and to be thankful for His willingness to suffer and die for our sins so that we can have an intimate personal relationship with Him. WOW! What a blessing to be a child of the KING!!! 

Choosing Obedience

This year Jesus didn't call me specifically to any "New Year's resolutions". What He did call me to do was to fast from shopping for and buying clothes, jewelry, and shoes for a whole year. When He brought that idea to my mind the first time, I honestly tried to ignore it. Yes, as I've shared here before, Jesus has shown me that He is enough. I even shared last month how overwhelmed I am by the peace, joy and contentment that He has given me as I continue to seek and find my fulfillment and satisfaction in Him and His promises found in His Word. But He wanted something more...and, as is always the case when He's calling me to do something, He persists in confirming that calling in many ways.

One of those ways was as I was listening to Christian radio. The speaker was talking about fasting from those things that sometimes hinder our pursuit of God. Another confirmation came from my son who was led to fast also. We talked about the fact that as disciples of Jesus Christ, we rarely deprive ourselves of things in order to feast more on our Savior.

Also, during this time, I even asked, "Lord, how about if I fast for a season or two instead of a year?" His answer to that was to have me turn on the radio a few days later and hear about a family who were led to fast from all extra-curricular activities for (you guessed it) one year. He reminded me that it's at the beginning of each season that I think I "need" to get some new outfits so it made sense that He would want me to include all 4 seasons in the fast. It was then that I said "Yes, Lord, I will obey what you're calling me to do." Along with the fast, He also convicted me of staying on my budget and leaving savings where it needs to be--in savings.

A friend gave me a journal for Christmas that has written on the front: "Live in Hope." I decided to use it to record the things that my Heavenly Father teaches me and how He will provide this coming year as I choose to be obedient to my fast and follow the budget that He has shown me. I want to be real, authentic, honest and sincere in sharing this journey with you.

Am I saying that everyone needs to take a clothing fast? Not at all. I am saying that we all need to evaluate our lives and ask the Lord to show us anything that is competing with making our personal, intimate relationship with Him our #1 priority. Honestly, my budget was tight last year and is even tighter this year as fixed expenses as well as almost all other costs have gone up, but I know that my Lord just wants me to obey and TRUST in Him to provide and not trust in my savings. 
 The Lord has taught me over the years that my security, worth and contentment no longer come from what I wear or what I have. However, I also realize that I could still get caught up in some old patterns of looking at catalogs and shopping--coming home with 2 or 3 outfits instead of one because I either couldn't decide or because "it was such a good sale". It was like my Lord was asking me, "Keva--am I really enough? I just want you to test me in this and see what all I will teach you.I want you to throw out all those catalogs, to stay out of the stores and to spend that time focused more on loving and getting to know me and caring more for others. So what if you don't have something new each season--are you living for the praise of others or to honor and glorify Me?"

So began this journey. I have heard many times that if we think we can't live without something then that is probably the thing we should give up; realizing that the Lord will give us everything we need to do what He calls us to do. He was already reminding me of that when I read in a devotional by David Jeremiah on January 16--the actual date that I started both the budget and the fast. The verse shared there:
   
"Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God."  2 Corinthians 3:5

A few key points from the devotional: "Most of our worries involve a fear of insufficiency... we're concerned we don't have enough, whether food or money or health or strength. When we think of ourselves, as the source of our own sufficiency, we have reason to worry and be concerned. But as Christians, our sufficiency is from God. And GOD IS ABLE to make all grace abound toward you, that you always having ALL sufficiency in ALL things, may have an abundance for every good work."
2 Corinthians 9:8. "His grace is sufficient for us." 2 Corinthians 12:9. And then Jesus reminds us, "When we come to the end of our earthly resources, we find that His sufficiency has only begun. Remember: His grace, all sufficient, shall be our supply. Put God's promises to the test and see if His blessings don't follow. God loves to prove His faithfulness."

That was the 1st entry that went in my journal. The Lord continues to encourage me and teach me each day from His Word, from Godly men and women who minister on the radio and through books and devotionals. I would like to share some of those things with you to encourage you in your walk with Jesus. One thing I know is that I am already finding more joy in Him as I trust my finances (what He has entrusted to me) totally to Him and stay out of the clothing stores!!!

These are a few things that I read that have challenged me in the fast as well as the budget:

Thou shalt not be consumed with a desire for more. Focus on enjoying the life you've already been able to achieve--from your family and friends to the clothes in your closet (wow--our Lord is so personal and specific) and car in your garage. Wanting more doesn't breed contentment, it breeds more wanting." (I know what that's like, and it's not fun at all.)

"We buy what we don't need to impress people who don't care."

"We live too much to please and impress others. Focus on pleasing God not people."

"In eternity, we won't answer to other people about the way we spent the money God entrusted to us, we will answer only to our Heavenly Father."

A journal entry on January 22 records what I heard on the radio that day:

"Stop the indulgence of the flesh. Fasting reveals the things that control us. It humbles us. It can break a pattern that we need to break. It can break our enslavement to food or whatever has a hold on us. It can ignite our hunger for God."

I recorded these words from David Jeremiah on January 24 in my journal:

"Its great to have provision on earth, but our greatest treasure is still ahead. Don't let gold become your God or money your master. Seek 1st the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." Matthew 6:33

From the devotional "Jesus Calling" that day:

"My peace is the treasure of treasures; the pearl of great price."

I wrote in my journal that day: "Already I'm experiencing more peace as I trust everything to my Lord and am obedient. It's been fun to get the mail and throw out the catalogs immediately so I won't be tempted to buy something. I'm also finding it fun to put together outfits from what I already have and realizing that there are things that I haven't worn just because I wanted to wear something newer or more "up to date". I'll insert here that I'm not saying that it's wrong to have new things or to be fashionable. The question my Savior is asking me is: "How much do you really need?" I know that He wants to challenge me to evaluate my needs versus my wants, to focus more on Him and others, to spend less on my wants so that I can give more to other's needs.

Now back to the January 24 journal entry:

From "Jesus Calling": "If you have the world's peace--everything going your way-- you don't seek My unfathomable peace." I have more peace now with many more restrictions on my spending than I did when I wasn't following and staying on my budget. Once You, Lord, made it clear that You wanted me to depend on You, not on my savings, You have given me such a peace and joy as I choose to obey. Actually it's been fun trying to spend as little as possible and to really evaluate every purchase. I'm noticing that I'm appreciating all that I already have more and am realizing how little I really need. Our world and the pressure to compete with what others have causes us to buy what we don't really need to try to fulfill needs that only an intimate relationship with Jesus can fill.

There's so much more to share with you from my journal, but I think I've given you enough to read for this month. I'll look forward to sharing more of God's faithfulness and encouragement next month. In the meantime I challenge you to focus on eternity and on eternal treasures such as your family, friends, and other people. More important than even that--focus on Jesus and making Him the #1 priority in your life. Only then can you really be thankful, love others and care for them like He models for us in His Word.

I'll leave you with some verses that have given me direction on those days and moments when my feelings don't match up with God's promises. The Lord gave me these verses after Yance(my son) and Elaine's wedding. After a time of much joy and celebration, I was feeling very lonely for Ty and was discouraged. It was another time of wondering: "Lord, what is your will for me?" He answered very specifically by leading me to I Thessalonians 5:16-18. 

"Be joyful always, pray continuously, and be thankful for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 

I've gone back to those verses more times than I can count and have chosen to obey them--regardless of my feelings and many times with tears running down my fac. But each time I choose to be joyful and thankful and cry out to Him, He is ALWAYS FAITHFUL to give me the strength I need to take the next step of obedience, all the while never leaving my side.

A song we sang recently at our church called "My Reward" goes along perfectly with what Jesus has led me to share with you this month. As the song says:

  "Jesus, You are my reward. Could my heart contain all your love for me? You're all I need to know. Nothing compares to knowing You. Nothing compares to loving You. I'm giving my life to follow you, my King."