Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you that hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24
February has been the hardest month for me since Ty's death. The hole in my heart that I talked about in my previous blog just seemed to get bigger. However, Jesus proves Himself faithful to me many times over in many different ways. Lately it has been the influence of different people which He has used to remind me of His faithfulness to me. You might call these my personal reminders
One particularly hard day comes to mind. I had headed to Hutchinson, which is about 40 miles away, for a couple appointments. It was a very melancholy day. I was so lonely for Ty and kept wishing I could call him and visit like I always used to do on my trips to town. I stopped for breakfast at The Dutch Kitchen, one of Ty and my favorite places. As a family, we have many special memories there. My boys love their cinnamon rolls heated up with lots of butter! I always miss Ty when I stop there, but I still feel at home because of the many friendships we've made. In fact, when Ty and I had stopped there just 10 days before he had died, he said as we were leaving, "Honey, I feel like I should be telling everyone good-bye." How right he was.
Now here I was, just a few months later enjoying my breakfast alone at our favorite restaurant. On this particular day I seemed to notice more than usual the older couples that came in. Ty and I used to joke about getting old together and coming to Dutch Kitchen with our walkers. I was reminded once again that we can make our plans, but the final outcome is in God's hands.
As I continued on to my appointments I seem to be constantly reminded that I was no longer a part of a “couple”. Throughout the day I heard about two couples who had taken or were planning trips to Las Vegas and the Bahamas. Even though I am surrounded by many friends and family who love me, I no longer have my sweetheart to do things with. There's no one who could ever replace Ty. I couldn't think about him that day without getting teary. Running the risk of looking like Rudolph with a bright red nose I decided to try to push all thoughts and memories of Ty aside while I finished my errands.
The loneliness continued to be extreme. I didn't even feel like talking to Jesus except to say, " This is so hard, Jesus. Please help me to want to keep going. I want so badly to be home in heaven with you and Ty." I told Him that I knew He was now my husband but that I really needed some reminders that He hadn't forgotten about me.
His first reminder came as I headed home and stopped at a little store outside of Hutch to look for a birthday card for my son, Yance. I hadn't been able to find one I liked at any other store that day. As I was checking out with the card, one of the girls who works there gave me a Valentine's gift bag. How sweet is that? She said that her mother, who is the owner of the store, wanted me to have it. I understood then why I couldn't find a card someplace else--the Lord knew I needed to stop there. When I got back to my car, I opened my gift and found Dee Brestin's Bible study called “The God of All Comfort." I thought, "God, you are so amazing!" A few weeks earlier I had received a book by the same name from a dear friend. Now I had the companion Bible study guide to go with the book which had already brought me such great comfort. Dee Brestin’s husband had also died of cancer. Our stories being very similar, I had found strength in the things she shared from her book.
God’s second reminder came as I started to put in the music CD that was included with the study guide and noticed that it was 6 p.m. That's when Chip Ingram speaks on Living on the Edge, one of my favorite radio Bible programs. I couldn't believe it when I turned it on and found that Chip's message that evening was to encourage those who were suffering. The Lord had that perfectly timed for me. My ride home from there was 30 minutes, and that's exactly how long the program was. One of the things that stood out in the message is that it's okay to cry out to God and express our anger, frustration, loneliness and hurt. He's big enough to handle it. That day I needed that reminder because I was keeping my emotions bottled up instead of expressing them to Jesus who wants to listen, lift my burdens and give me peace and strength.
God’s third reminder came when I got home and brought in the mail. There was a Valentine's card from a precious couple. The front read, "To Someone Very Special". Inside was a handwritten reminder that they were praying for me. The sentiment in the card made me smile and again marvel at my wonderful Savior as I thought about my prayer earlier in the day about wanting to be reminded that He still cared. The inside message also read, "May God's blessings shine on your life today and cause your heart to know how much you're loved and how much He cares. May His blessings grow and grow."
The reminders continued that evening as the phone rang a few minutes before I was heading to bed. It was Yance just calling to check in and say “I love you." As I shared the day’s events with him I told him that he was my fourth reminder of the day that God cared.
God is so good. He always knows what we need and as we cry out to Him in our weakest moments He uses others to remind us of His great love for us. Those reminders are His special and personal blessings to us. As I went to bed that night I was still very lonely for Ty, but God had reminded me again that he had used the influence of special people in my life to remind me that He hadn’t forgotten me.
My prayer for each of you is that just as Jesus was faithful to remind me of His love, you too will be reminded that He will never leave you nor forsake you. Cry out to Him. He will show you His love in unbelievable ways. He just might bring you some special “reminders” through some very special people. I hope I have been just the first of many.
February has been the hardest month for me since Ty's death. The hole in my heart that I talked about in my previous blog just seemed to get bigger. However, Jesus proves Himself faithful to me many times over in many different ways. Lately it has been the influence of different people which He has used to remind me of His faithfulness to me. You might call these my personal reminders
One particularly hard day comes to mind. I had headed to Hutchinson, which is about 40 miles away, for a couple appointments. It was a very melancholy day. I was so lonely for Ty and kept wishing I could call him and visit like I always used to do on my trips to town. I stopped for breakfast at The Dutch Kitchen, one of Ty and my favorite places. As a family, we have many special memories there. My boys love their cinnamon rolls heated up with lots of butter! I always miss Ty when I stop there, but I still feel at home because of the many friendships we've made. In fact, when Ty and I had stopped there just 10 days before he had died, he said as we were leaving, "Honey, I feel like I should be telling everyone good-bye." How right he was.
Now here I was, just a few months later enjoying my breakfast alone at our favorite restaurant. On this particular day I seemed to notice more than usual the older couples that came in. Ty and I used to joke about getting old together and coming to Dutch Kitchen with our walkers. I was reminded once again that we can make our plans, but the final outcome is in God's hands.
As I continued on to my appointments I seem to be constantly reminded that I was no longer a part of a “couple”. Throughout the day I heard about two couples who had taken or were planning trips to Las Vegas and the Bahamas. Even though I am surrounded by many friends and family who love me, I no longer have my sweetheart to do things with. There's no one who could ever replace Ty. I couldn't think about him that day without getting teary. Running the risk of looking like Rudolph with a bright red nose I decided to try to push all thoughts and memories of Ty aside while I finished my errands.
The loneliness continued to be extreme. I didn't even feel like talking to Jesus except to say, " This is so hard, Jesus. Please help me to want to keep going. I want so badly to be home in heaven with you and Ty." I told Him that I knew He was now my husband but that I really needed some reminders that He hadn't forgotten about me.
His first reminder came as I headed home and stopped at a little store outside of Hutch to look for a birthday card for my son, Yance. I hadn't been able to find one I liked at any other store that day. As I was checking out with the card, one of the girls who works there gave me a Valentine's gift bag. How sweet is that? She said that her mother, who is the owner of the store, wanted me to have it. I understood then why I couldn't find a card someplace else--the Lord knew I needed to stop there. When I got back to my car, I opened my gift and found Dee Brestin's Bible study called “The God of All Comfort." I thought, "God, you are so amazing!" A few weeks earlier I had received a book by the same name from a dear friend. Now I had the companion Bible study guide to go with the book which had already brought me such great comfort. Dee Brestin’s husband had also died of cancer. Our stories being very similar, I had found strength in the things she shared from her book.
God’s second reminder came as I started to put in the music CD that was included with the study guide and noticed that it was 6 p.m. That's when Chip Ingram speaks on Living on the Edge, one of my favorite radio Bible programs. I couldn't believe it when I turned it on and found that Chip's message that evening was to encourage those who were suffering. The Lord had that perfectly timed for me. My ride home from there was 30 minutes, and that's exactly how long the program was. One of the things that stood out in the message is that it's okay to cry out to God and express our anger, frustration, loneliness and hurt. He's big enough to handle it. That day I needed that reminder because I was keeping my emotions bottled up instead of expressing them to Jesus who wants to listen, lift my burdens and give me peace and strength.
God’s third reminder came when I got home and brought in the mail. There was a Valentine's card from a precious couple. The front read, "To Someone Very Special". Inside was a handwritten reminder that they were praying for me. The sentiment in the card made me smile and again marvel at my wonderful Savior as I thought about my prayer earlier in the day about wanting to be reminded that He still cared. The inside message also read, "May God's blessings shine on your life today and cause your heart to know how much you're loved and how much He cares. May His blessings grow and grow."
The reminders continued that evening as the phone rang a few minutes before I was heading to bed. It was Yance just calling to check in and say “I love you." As I shared the day’s events with him I told him that he was my fourth reminder of the day that God cared.
God is so good. He always knows what we need and as we cry out to Him in our weakest moments He uses others to remind us of His great love for us. Those reminders are His special and personal blessings to us. As I went to bed that night I was still very lonely for Ty, but God had reminded me again that he had used the influence of special people in my life to remind me that He hadn’t forgotten me.
My prayer for each of you is that just as Jesus was faithful to remind me of His love, you too will be reminded that He will never leave you nor forsake you. Cry out to Him. He will show you His love in unbelievable ways. He just might bring you some special “reminders” through some very special people. I hope I have been just the first of many.
Check back soon for the rest of the story (Part Two) to "God's Personal Reminders"
