Jesus' Continued Faithfulness

As fall approaches and school begins again, I asked the Lord this morning, "What have you been teaching me?"

Honestly, this month has been a very emotional one for me. My youngest son, Yance married his sweetheart, Elaine on August 14. The week-end was filled with much fun and excitement as we traveled to Oklahoma City and enjoyed spending time with family and friends. A special memory for me was having Yance stay in my room the night before the wedding. We talked, cried and prayed together until early in the morning. We missed Ty so much and yet the Lord gave us both a peace as we thought of him in heaven with Jesus.

The wedding was beautiful as Yance and Elaine gave glory to our Lord and Savior and were so excited to finally be married. As the wedding began I was so honored to be escorted to my seat by my two sons and was thankful for my Lord's strength as my heart ached for Ty. It was another step on the journey that the Lord has me on. I enjoyed every minute of the wedding and am so blessed to have two sons who are following their Dad's advice to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul and mind. Not only that but I now have two very special daughters who love our sons and love Jesus too. Of course, I can't forget my grandson, Preston. I have so much to be thankful for.

However, at home after the wedding my emotions had changed. I didn't feel so thankful. I really didn't feel much at all other than I longed to be in heaven with Jesus and Ty. I cried out to Jesus even though I really didn't feel like it. He led me to read back through my journal from last November. I wasn't surprised that as I began reading from my journal and His Word that God continued to remind me of the hope I have in Him and all that I have to look forward to in my forever home in heaven.

Here are some highlights from that journal entry on November 15, 2009 (about a month after Ty died). Alot of my thoughts on that day were the same thoughts I had the week after the wedding. My prayer is that the things the Lord spoke to me will be an encouragement to you in whatever you're going through.

Date: November 15, 2009

"Jesus, thanks so much for loving me. Yesterday turned out to be a very difficult day. I missed Ty more than ever and the thought of getting up everyday for the rest of my life without him was overwhelming. Thanks for reminding me that you only ask me to take one day at a time and that you will give me strength for each day. I didn't feel your presence yesterday and yet as I was obedient to you and chose to read from your Word and hear your Word preached by Chip Ingram (www.lote.org) you reminded me of your promises:

that you haven't forgotten about me,

that you love me and

that I can count on you to walk with me side by side each new day for the rest of my life.

I choose to believe you when you say that you have plans for me, plans to prosper and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11); that you will work all things together for good for those who love you (Romans 8:28).

The best part of the day was when you showed yourself so abundantly as I was going to bed. Father, I was so lonesome then and as Chip had mentioned earlier, I should just cry out to you. That's what I did. I asked you to speak to me and you led me to the Voice of the Martyrs book- Extreme Devotion. The tears started as I remembered reading in it so many times on our way to the clinic when Ty had cancer. As I opened it to the place we had last read together, I read the verses that you had reminded me of already twice that day--from a friend and also on the radio: Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom He has given us." Ty and I went to that passage often during the cancer journey for encouragement and hope. It was like both you and Ty wanted to remind me to rejoice and hope in you. Ty and I often talked about the privilege it was to share in your sufferings, Lord, in order to bring more glory to you. It was and still isn't easy at all, but I'm so thankful for all you've taught me and continue to teach me about your love and faithfulness."

Later in the week He led me to Psalm 39. The theme of this Psalm is 'apart from God, life is fleeting and empty'. Verse 4 says:

"Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days, let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro; he bustles about but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you."

The commentary in my Bible says: "The brevity of life is a theme throughout the books of Psalms, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes. Ironically people spend so much time securing their lives on earth and spend little or no thought about where they will spend eternity. David realized that amassing riches and busily accomplishing worldly tasks would make no difference in eternity. Few people understand that their only hope is in the Lord." Amen to that--nothing the world offers could give me the peace and strength that Jesus gives me each day as I depend on Him.

As I have read and studied and chosen to fill my mind with the truths of God's Word since coming home from Yance and Elaine's wedding, my Savior and Lord continues to teach me about the hope I have in Him. He wants me to continue to remind others of that hope and how much Jesus loves each one of us. The other thing He has been reminding me is that this world is not my home. It's okay to be homesick for my forever home in heaven, but He isn't finished with me here yet and wants me to choose each day to rejoice in Him and rely on Him minute by minute for strength to do whatever He asks me to do.


The following videos really encouraged me this week. They both are about heaven which seems to be on my mind alot these days. Actually, I know that we would all be happier and more content if we would focus on Jesus and our eternal home more than the things of the world. Remember, this world is not our home, we're just passing through. We have so much to look forward to in heaven with our Savior and Lord.

The Blessing of Abiding in Jesus

Abiding in Christ means trusting Him, reaching out to Him, choosing to run to Him and find peace and rest when life is so hard. As I pondered what the Lord would want me to share this month, He immediately brought to my mind a very hard evening on my recent vacation to Horn Creek, a family camp in Colorado. Ty and I and our boys have gone there every year (except for one) since 1986 when Wyatt(our oldest) was just 13 months old. I debated about going this year without Ty, but the Lord assured me that I wouldn't be alone--He would be with me. Wyatt, Laurel and Preston went too, as well as my mom. But--back to that evening that I mentioned earlier. I'm going to share directly from my journal the entry that I wrote the morning after our 1st night there. My prayer is that you will be encouraged by God's amazing faithfulness as I share how He comforted me.

From my journal: "The Lord has already blessed me so much since I arrived at Horn Creek. I continue to miss Ty alot. I'm surrounded by memories of 23 years here with him. I can hear him telling me to drink lots of water and as I walk into my room I automatically drink a glass of water. When I first got here, Don and Linda Flack greeted me. They are the volunteer greeters here for the summer. They were also here with Ty, Wyatt, and I the 1st year we came. They hugged me and we cried together. Seeing my name without Ty's on the camper list was hard. I just hugged Wyatt and cried. It's like I know Ty isn't here and isn't coming back, but it still doesn't seem real. It was also great to see other friends and to find comfort as we hugged, cried and missed Ty. Jesus loved me so well through many special friends. Also, another blessing He provided was giving me a room in the mini-lodge instead of the cabins and not only just a room but our favorite room. I was reminded that God delights in me and loves to bless beyond what I could ask or imagine. Even though there are many lonely moments, I still feel "at home" here. The first night when I came into my room and shut the door the memories overwhelmed me and I repeated the words I've said often since Ty's death last October, "Lord, this is so hard." I missed Ty so much and just wanted him to be here with me. As always, I cried out to Jesus and ask Him to hold me close. I told Him again that I don't understand why Ty and I couldn't have more years together, but I trust His perfect plan and know that He isn't finished with me here. As I got ready for bed I could just feel His presence with me and was not at all surprised when I picked up a devotional from David Jeremiah's ministry and read "Behold, I am with you and will keep you WHEREVER you go...I will not leave you." Genesis 28:15. I thought, WOW, Lord you couldn't be more clear. Just like you are with me everyday back home, you are with me here. In the devotional, Susanna Wesley talks about trials. She says that in God's providence even her burdens have become blessings, "All my sufferings have occurred to promote my spiritual and eternal good." The devotional goes on to say that we have a God who admirably manages our lives with His all powerful greatness. That's why we grow more spiritually during trials than any other time in life. Our self-sufficiency is brought low and our reliance on God becomes great. The quote at the end put the icing on the cake--"For come what may, from day to day my Heavenly Father watches over me." I just laid down the devotional and was in total awe of God, but that wasn't all He had for me. I picked up the Horn Creek devotional. Some verses from Isaiah 64 say "Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you who acts on behalf of those who WAIT for Him. I wrote,"God, You are amazing, faithful, and wonderful. What would I do without you? You always give me exactly what I need as I run to you. I thanked Him and ask Him to hold and comfort me and then I went to sleep.

There were many more blessings that week as I continually chose to abide in Jesus, to run to Him not away from Him. Psalm 91 is a wonderful reminder of God's nearness and care for us. Charles Spurgeon has said of Psalm 91,"The blessings here are not for all believers but for those who live in CLOSE FELLOWSHIP with God."

Kris Goertzen in her study on humility says: "That's all a God-centered woman wants --nearness to God. No pretending, that just leaves us empty. No masks, that leaves us weary. We want the nearness of God! that alone satisfies." I totally agree with what Kris says as she asks, "Do you long for deep relationships and intimacy? Searching to have these voids filled can be fearfully destructive. I'd like to save you a lifetime of pain by telling you the real truth. You won't find it in friends or in husbands, by getting your way or by getting more stuff. The great Thomas Watson said, 'Walking with God is the best way to know the mind of God; friends who walk together impart their secrets to one another.'" Kris ends with "Wow, walking through life together with God, the One who knows me and loves me perfectly. The One I can trust fully, who will never hurt or disappoint me. That's intimacy."

That intimacy comes from abiding in Jesus. It's believing everything that He says in His Word. If He said it, I believe it, and it's because of that intimate, trusting relationship that I have with Him that I can wake up each morning choosing to rejoice in Him whether I feel like it or not. I can rely on Him to give me joy, peace, and strength because that's what He promises in His Word and I believe Him!!!

Jesus is my everything. I truly can't face a day without Him. The song below expresses exactly how I feel. I get teary every time I listen to it because I am so thankful for Jesus and the unbelievable strength and peace that He gives me everyday. Many people have ask me how I have continued on with such joy and purpose--the answer to that is Jesus' power in me. I could never make it without Him. My prayer for each of you is that you will seek Him and rest in Him today. Remember, He delights in you and desires an intimate relationship with you. He will meet your every need. I speak from experience when I say that NOTHING the world has to offer compares to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He is worthy of your complete trust!

Freedom in Jesus

Thinking about our theme on freedom this month drew my thoughts back to rest which interestingly was the theme from last month. Freedom to me means choosing to rest in Jesus all the time no matter what the circumstances are around me.


Recently I had yet another opportunity to choose to either rest in Jesus and find freedom or ignore Him, feel sorry for myself, and give in to the loneliness. Over and over again, I'm reminded that I have a choice to either believe Jesus' promises or not.

This particular time came as I headed home from Wyatt and Laurel's house. I had the privilege of staying with Preston, my 15 1/2 old grandson, for a few days while they were in Colorado. Preston and "Nana" (he can say Nana now, and it melts my heart!) had a wonderful time. It brought back so many memories of those special times with my boys at that age. Reading books, playing, singing and laughing together brought such joy. I'm sure he thought his Nana was pretty silly--I'm such a kid at heart. It was so fun to pray for him while I was with him and wonder what the Lord has planned for my precious little grandson. Anyway, being with him was one of those extra-special blessings from Jesus that I've spoken of often in my blogs--something I will treasure for a long time.

Then it was time to say good-bye and head home. That's when the loneliness for Ty hit again.The tears came as I started home. At that point, I could choose freedom in God's promises or bondage in bitterness. I chose to cry out to Jesus and trust in His promises. He brought these to mind as I talked to Him:


"I will never leave you or forsake you."

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

"And we know that all things work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose."


There were many more He brought to my mind. But the question is, do I believe those promises? Yes, definitely. Do I always feel like they're true? No, but I just keep sharing my heart with my Heavenly Father just like I would have with Ty or a close friend. God is my counselor, protector, and friend. According to His Word, He is also my husband. (Isaiah 54:4,5). Now, since I no longer have Ty to talk to and go to for wisdom and encouragement, I go to the Lord even more. EVERY TIME I choose to seek Him and rely on Him, He gives me peace and joy. Many people ask me how I can have peace and joy in the midst of such loss and sorrow. Honestly, I can't. That comes from Jesus and from Him alone.

Another choice I had as I drove home was to either rejoice as God's Word says (Philippians 4:4) or to complain. I chose to rejoice and thank my Heavenly Father for my current life without Ty. Again, did I feel like rejoicing? No. At the same time I was rejoicing I was also very honest in sharing with the Lord how hard this life is without Ty. I told Him that I would rather be at home with Him and Ty in heaven, but I also agreed with Him that He knows far better than I do what's best for me.

I share these things to encourage those of you who are experiencing much suffering and loss right now. Jesus is there for you too. He's waiting patiently for you to come and talk to Him. He's the best friend you will ever have! When you pray, just be yourself. He loves you just as you are and will give you exactly what you need as you trust Him. That's what He did for me that evening when I got home. Since my love language is words of encouragement I asked Him for some encouraging words. He faithfully brought those words from an article from Dr. David Jeremiah who says, "God will care for us during our time on this earth then He promises to take us to an eternal home where all sorrow is gone and all joy is ours." YEA! (John 14:1-3; Revelation 21:3-4) Just as I mentioned earlier about the importance of believing God's promises--Dr. Jeremiah also said "God makes the promises, but we have to claim them. A promise not claimed and acted upon has the same practical effect as a promise never made. If I promise to help you whenever you call me, but you never call, you never receive the benefit of my promise. God is the Promise Maker. I am the promise claimer."


"All of God's promises are rooted in His character. For instance, 'I will never leave you or forsake you' (Hebrews 13:5) is an explicit promise to all Christians. But God's promise directly to the apostle Paul--"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) --is also an implicit promise to believers. Paul spoke for all of us when he said, 'For when I am weak, then I am strong (in Christ). If the power of Christ was available to Paul, it is likewise available to us."


The strength that people see in me comes only from Jesus. In and of myself, I am so weak. It's His strength that keeps me going each day. Dr. Jeremiah's article ended with a truth that is becoming more and more apparent to me everyday; "when we have Jesus Christ we have all we need." And two other encouraging statements the Lord gave me that evening were:

"Instead of kicking the obstacles in your path or picking them up and carrying them, use them to climb higher with God's help." and

"Pain purifies. Pain draws the Christian closer to Jesus Christ. God does not promise to remove our pain, or even to relieve our pain; but He does promise to transform it and use it for His eternal purposes."

As always, my loving Heavenly Father, husband and friend is faithful. There is no greater freedom than trusting Him and knowing that He loves me and will take care of me.

In these uncertain times, I trust that the music video below with the verses
and beautiful pictures of God's creation will renew your hope. Jesus is everything to me; I pray that He is everything to you too. Watch the video a couple times--first to listen to the song and then to read all the verses--they are so encouraging.

Jesus--My Rest

REST for me comes when I give all my concerns to Jesus and trust Him to take care of me. Jesus says in Matthew 11:28: "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you Rest." Busyness is the killer of relationships and also of REST. The world tells us to work all the time so that we can earn more money to buy more stuff which we don't have time to enjoy because we're always working. Why not work less and be content with what you already have and be able to enjoy what really matters--your relationship with Jesus and with family and friends?


I used to believe that more stuff would make me happy and content but instead it only made me want more stuff--this obsessive cycle never stops. Contentment and REST only come when Jesus becomes our obsession. Only He can meet our needs and fill the hole in our hearts that we try to fill up with other things. When I am content, I naturally rejoice in Him more and thank Him for all the little blessings such as my yummy morning coffee, breakfast with friends, time with my family, walks in the country with my dog, Shea, a funny movie, a good book, an encouraging note, beautiful flowers, freshly mowed grass, the birds singing, etc. We have so many things to be thankful for. After my husband Tyler was diagnosed with cancer, we did slow down and enjoy God's blessings so much more. Don't wait until until a cancer diagnosis to relax and enjoy what really matters.

In order to REST in Jesus you have to love Him and in order to love Him you have to understand how much He loves you. I have the following words written (source unknown) in my Bible. Hopefully they will encourage you as they have me.

"Our love for God is always in direct relation to our perception of His love for us. He passionately pursues you and me to sweep us off our feet and convince us of His incredible love. How much does He love us? Enough to die for us. This image tells us of the incredible love of Jesus for you and me. He could have escaped the pain of the cross, and He could have annihilated the entire planet in an instant, but He endured the suffering to glorify God and demonstrate His love for us. The love of God is not just a principle or a theory. It is a powerful life-changing commitment by God to bring us into His arms and restore us to a love relationship with Him."

How awesome is that? What could bring more REST than understanding how much Jesus loves us. Since Ty was diagnosed with cancer over three years ago and went home to be with Jesus last October, I can certainly testify to Jesus' love and faithfulness. I could not have made it without Him. I miss Ty so much and wish every day that he would walk back into my life, but Jesus continues to be more than enough. I am amazed each day at the peace--Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus"--and joy that He gives me as I choose to rejoice in Him and praise Him. As hard as it is for me to continue on here without Ty, I REST in Jesus' perfect plan for me. He gave me encouragement this morning in Habakkuk 3:18-19. "Yet I will rejoice in the Lord. I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights." The commentary further explains:

"Habakkuk had asked God why evil people prosper while the righteous suffer. God's answer: they don't, not in the long run. Habakkuk saw his own limitations in contrast to God's unlimited control of all the world's events. We cannot see all that God is doing, and we cannot see all that God will do, but we can be assured that He is God and will do what is right. Knowing this can give us confidence and hope in a confusing world."

Yes, we all face an uncertain future, but we can REST in our unchanging Savior and God. Keep seeking Him. He is forever faithful.

The song below by musical group 'Phillips, Craig and Dean' sums up the recent past for me. I stand in awe of my Savior, Jesus. I'm so thankful for His faithfulness to me. As the song says: "Jesus, I am so in love with You."

Coffee with Jesus

As I was seeking direction for what God wanted me to share on prayer this month, He gave me this acrostic for PRAYER. Below are the things He takes me through every morning when I grab my cup of coffee, Bible and journal and sit down for a visit with Jesus.

P Praising God for His unconditional love, for sending His Son to die on the cross for my sins and for never leaving my side.

God's promise is: Hebrews 13:5

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

R Relying on Jesus when I don't have the strength to go on , and life seems so hard.

God's promise is: Philippians 4:13

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

A Asking Jesus for wisdom when I don't know what to do next.

God's promise is: Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your

ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

Y Yearning to know Jesus better and love Him more every day.

God's promise is: Jeremiah 29:13

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

E Enjoying an intimate, personal relationship with Jesus that brings peace and hope even when my heart is breaking, and I long for my forever home in Heaven.

God's promise is: John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid."

R Remembering that I'm never alone even when I feel completely overwhelmed and lonely on this new journey without my husband, Ty.

God's promise is: Isaiah 41:13

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not

fear; I will help you."

Prayer for me is visiting with my Heavenly Father who is also my best friend. The visits are longer and more frequent now because I no longer have Ty here to visit with. Jesus fills the hole in my heart that Ty has left. It is such a blessing to visit with Jesus about everything. I choose to praise Him every morning when I wake up whether I feel like it or not. I go to Him when I'm weary and it is there that I find rest.

My favorite time of the day is those early morning visits when I have "coffee with Jesus". I share my heart with Him knowing that He is never too busy to listen. He loves me so much. From our visits together He gives me hope through the promises in His Word. Those same promises gave Ty and I strength to keep going each day during the 2 1/2 year cancer journey and continue to bring me hope and encouragement each day now. I am so thankful for my Savior. He is forever faithful.

I leave you with a video of the song, Praise you in this Storm. It was a song that Ty and I listened to often, especially on the really tough days. It always helped us to continue to praise our Lord and rest in Him. I heard it again this week and wanted to share it with you. I hope it will encourage each of you as you face storms in your own lives. At one point the song says, "Every tear I've cried, You held in your hand. You never left my side". Know this is true for you just as it has been true for me.

Heaven, My Forever Home

Resurrection and new life; both of those things make me think of heaven. I was reading this week in a memory book that Ty filled out for our sons during the years he had cancer. I can only read in it a little at a time because reading his words makes him seem so close and makes me miss him more. In the book, Ty said, "When I think about the future I anticipate eternity in heaven with Christ. The future has come into much clearer focus. I continue to trust the Lord. My outlook on the future is hopeful because of Christ in whom I hope. The circumstances of this life are not hopeful, but I am thankful to be able to hope in Christ." Ty wrote in this memory book most often when he was sitting for hours getting chemo. How could he have such hope? John 14:1-3 explains why: "Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In my Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also." Ty had hope even in dying because of his relationship with Jesus, and now he is enjoying his "forever home" with Him in heaven. As I anticipate Easter it brings such joy to celebrate not only the resurrection of Jesus but also Ty's new life in heaven.

Not only does Ty have a new life in heaven, but I have a new life here too. Tammy Trent, whose husband Trent died in a diving accident, expresses my thoughts very well in her book, "Beyond the Sorrow". She says, "When I first lost Trent, I felt like the whole world was moving on and that I was floating outside of it, just trying to find my place. After awhile, it seemed like I gently fell back to the earth, and when my feet touched the hard ground I met Jesus there--waiting for me. After floods of tears, I trusted God with my emotions. I had no doubt He cared, and through His love I discovered who I really was. I looked at myself as if from the outside, and I saw a little girl whose life was just beginning again. When our picture perfect life comes crashing down, the truth of God's love and promises will carry us through. Seasons change. Seasons of life move along. Each new one draws us out of the old one. I'm coming to life again. My confession of faith is like a battle. I raise a clenched fist and declare, Yes! Yes, I will fight the lies of the enemy--defeat, depression. Yes, Lord, I will be a survivor. My battle cry is Yes!"

I told someone recently that according to Psalm 56:8 those floods of tears that Tammy talked about are being collected in a bottle in heaven. The Life Application Bible notes for that verse bring me such hope: Even in our deepest sorrow, God cares! Jesus reminded us further of how much God understands us--He knows even the number of hairs on our heads (Matthew 10:30). Often we waver between faith and fear. When you feel so discouraged that you are sure no one understands, remember that God knows every problem and sees every tear."

Yes, the tears continue to come, but I look forward to my "forever home" in heaven after this temporary life here. I'm encouraged by these verses about heaven from Revelation 21:3-4 "And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." How awesome is that--no more tears, death, sorrow or dying, and I will get to see Jesus, Ty and many others who knew Jesus as their personal Savior and friend.

Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song called "See" after his daughter was killed a few years ago. Listening to the lyrics was like Ty talking to me from heaven. As I listened it was as if he was saying,
"See, it's everything you said that it would be
and even better than you would believe.
I'm counting down the days 'til you're here with me,
and finally you will see"
Oh, how I'm anticipating that day. I can't wait! But for now God is enough for me in my new life here on earth without my sweetheart. Until that day I will choose to rejoice in Him one day at a time.

Every morning God reminds me to TRUST Him. Another
Steven Curtis Chapman song, "I Will Trust You" expresses my thoughts exactly as one of the lines say, "I know that His plans for me are much better than my own." (Jeremiah 29:11) I will choose to trust Him every day until THAT day when I see Him face to face in heaven, my "forever home".

You can listen to Steven Curtis Chapman's song "See" below, as well as watch his "I Will Trust You" music videos. I've pasted the words below each video for you. Let me know if they bless you as much as they have blessed me.



Right now all I can taste are bitter tears
And right now all I can see are clouds of sorrow
But from the other side of all this pain
Is that you I hear, laughing loud and calling out to me?

Saying "See, it's everything you said that it would be,
And even better than you would believe.
And I'm counting down the days until you're here with me,
And finally, you'll see."

But right now, all I can say is "Lord, how long
Before you come and take away this aching?"
This night of weeping seems to have no end.
But when the morning light breaks through,
We'll open up our eyes and we will see

It's everything that He said that it would be
And even better than we would believe
And he's counting down the days 'til He says "Come with me."
And finally he'll wipe every tear from our eyes
And make everything new, just like he promised
Wait and see, just wait and see, wait and see

And I'm counting down the days until I see
It's everything He said that it would be
And even better than we would believe
And I'm counting down the days 'til He says, "Come with me."
And finally, we'll see. We will see.

Oh taste and see that the Lord is good, the Lord is good
The Lord is good. Oh taste and see that the Lord is good
The Lord is good.





I don't even wanna breathe right now
All I wanna do is close my eyes
But I don't wanna open them again
Until I'm standing on the other side

I don't even wanna be right now
I don't wanna think another thought
And I don't wanna feel this pain I feel
And right now, pain is all I've got

It feels like it's all I've got, but I know it's not
No, I know You're all I've got
And I will trust You, I'll trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand, even then I will say again
You are my God, and I will trust You

God, I'm longing for the day to come
When this cloudy glass I'm looking through
Is shattered in a million pieces
And finally I can just see You

God, You know I believe it's true
I know I will see You
But until the day I do

I will trust You, trust You
Trust You, God, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

You are my God, and I'll trust You
And with every breath I take
And for every day that breaks
I will trust You
I will trust You
And when nothing is making sense
Even then I will say again

God, I trust You
I will trust You
I know Your heart is good
I know Your love is strong
And I know Your plans for me
Are much better than my own

So I will trust You, trust You
I trust You, God, I do
Even when I can't see the end
And I will trust You
I will trust You, I will
Even when I don't understand
Even then I will say again

God's Personal Reminders (Part Two)

Now for the rest of the story....Two weeks after my day of personal reminders in Hutchinson, I found myself struggling once again. This time I struggled with past failures, mainly things I wished I had done differently or even how I could have done better at caring for Ty's needs. This particular morning I felt like God had abandoned me. He felt so far away. Then, He led me once again to Dee Brestin's book, "The God of All Comfort". I opened it to the place I had read last. I was surprised (and yet I wasn't) when I read,

In times of spiritual dryness we need to focus not on our feelings, which are fickle, but on God, who is not. God can use our emotions for His glory, but when grief and fear are clouding our perspective and we focus on our feelings instead of God, the enemy has us exactly where He wants us. He whispers lies: "You don't feel Him [God] because He's gone. He's abandoned you." It's during these dry times that the enemy may also parade our sins or poor decisions before us, for he is the accuser.

After the loss of her husband the enemy haunted Dee with, "Why did you ever leave his side? Why didn't you sleep next to him on the floor at the end? He needed you and you weren't there. Why didn't you believe he was dying when so many people told you he was?" She goes on to say that all of these arrows have enough truth in them to hit their mark, which is what makes the accuser's poison so potent.

Her examples of those poisonous arrows:

'There were definitely times I let Steve(her husband) down.'
'I would do things differently if I had them to do again.'
'I was motivated, at least in part, by selfishness.'

I'll insert here that I was amazed as I read Dee's thoughts because I could have written them myself. It helped me so so much to have the Lord point out through Dee's story that I was not alone--that she had experienced exactly what I was going through. Dee goes on to say that those poisonous arrows also carry an enormous lie. The lie is because of my stupidity and selfishness, I have been abandoned by God. You and I know that we are not abandoned, even if we deserve it and even if our feelings scream that we have been abandoned. Jesus was abandoned so that we would never be.

Pastor Tim Keller says that the biggest problem during times of dryness is that we say, "I think God has finally given up on me. He's not there. Makes sense. I'm an idiot. I've been a failure. I'm inadequate. He's abandoned me." But that is not true! When our heart wavers, we must speak the truth to our souls for that is the only antidote to the enemy's poison. We must do what the Psalmist did, "No!" says the psalmist to his heart. "I will yet praise Him. He's a loving and gracious God." How can we know that for certain? Keller says, "Don't you see? Jesus Christ really experienced not just the loss of the feeling of God, He lost God. He was really forsaken by God. Why? So that despite your failures and your inadequacies, God will never give up on you."

God is there even if you don't sense Him. As Samuel Rutherford said, "Trust God's Word and His power more than you trust your own feelings and experiences. Remember, your Rock is Christ, and it is the sea that ebbs and flows with the tides, not Him." The rope we must cling to, the one that will never break, is the truth of God's Word, and God says He will never leave us or forsake us. It may feel like the streams of living water have dried up, but they have not.

Wow! Just like two weeks earlier on my trip to Hutchinson, Jesus was once again giving me personal reminders of His love and faithfulness in my darkest hours. First, He used two special women (Part One of God's Personal Reminders) to bless me with Dee Brestin's book and Bible study, and then He used Dee Brestin herself, a woman I have never met, to speak directly to my heart. Dee had lived what I'm now going through. By sharing what Jesus taught her during her dark days Dee is now influencing my life in huge ways.

I pray that those of you like me, who have at times felt abandoned by God, may be encouraged to know that you're not alone. You're not the only one who has those feelings. You're not crazy or abnormal. Don't listen to Satan's lies. Go back to the truth--the truth of God's character. Remember, God has promised, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5b. Do what the Psalmist did in the final verses of Psalm 42 and 43. "Put your HOPE in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." Don't give up. Seek Him. He is faithful and is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us...Ephesians 4:20.

One last reminder I want to leave with you is that Jesus loves you. He died for you and He wants a personal, intimate relationship with you. He is the only one who will never let you down. Take some time to read the Gospel of John. There you will find God's very own personal reminder of His great love for you through His Son, Jesus Christ.